Prior Knowledge: Falling for my

42.

Brittny

It's been 6 months and I haven't received one call from Jacob. I write him non-stop, but my letters always end up being sent back saying that I've been discontinued. I really wanted to know why Jacob Discontinued my calls to him when he always use to tell me the sound of my voice made his week? Chresanto stopped visiting him as much and he has moved upstate further away from the family, so I can't really depend on him seeing Jacob. I can no longer depend on Jacob's mother because she actually died in a horrible car accident In back in August. It was terrible. I think I cried for Jacob non-stop that entire week. I knew how much he loved his mother. And I grew to love her just as much. It was hard to know that my kids won't know who their fathers mother was, but we will have her with all the memories we got from her, like the comfort she gave me when I thought I was completely done with everything. I'll never forget that day. She hugged me like I was her own and she told me that Jacob loved me. She's was the only person who encouraged our love without a first thought of judgment.

I knew God took her away for a reason though. Jacob being away, being one if them. She loved her son to death, and she couldn't live on knowing he'll be in hell for some years. I'm just glad that she's a stress-free, weightless angel now, watching over her grandchildren, Jacob, and Me. But the guilt I've been feeling lately, has been eating me alive.

I honestly try my best to get in contact with Jacob, but it's fail after fail after fail. I'll just have to wait until I'm 18 and of age to visit him and see what's up. But, Believe it or not, I'm not stressing out as much as I'm making it seem. I don't know what's gotten into me, but Roger is really my everything right now. He was there to comfort me during the Time of Teresa's death, He treats my kids better than ever, and I hate to say it, but he makes me feel more beautiful than Jacob has ever had. He's everything I ever wanted. Another advantage is that he's around my age. I hate to dis Jacob like this, but it's the honest truth. I've actually grew a bit of anger towards Jacob.

He knew I was here for him. I was holding him down, and he just up and discontinues all contact from me. I wonder what gave him the idea to actually do that? Then I found out from Chresanto that Jacob actually wanted to break up with me. Not because the love wasn't there, but because he wanted me to be a young and free. He thought that eventually I'd find a guy, so he wanted me to be free on the market until he gets out and claims me up like nothing. I've never been so mad a Jacob ever before. He thinks that I'm just property that he can just drop and pick back up when he wants to. It doesn't go like that.

This is why I somewhat don't regret not talking to him, or sleeping with Roger. These past few months with Roger have been great. He actually took me out on my very first date the week after me and him had sex. I hesitated when he asked me, but I went anyways. It was the best thing ever. I was actually public with a guy. Not some guy that's way older than me, or a guy I had mixed feelings about (Diggy). I can admit that I grew so much love for Roger. He treats me like the princess I always wanted to be treated like.

It's a cold December day and it was snowing rather hard outside. Roger was on Christmas break from Hunter college, so he just chilled with me today. Diggy actually wasn't around anymore. He packed up and moved to DC back in November like he said he was gonna do. It was a relief he was gone, because this gave me time to really get over him. Overall, my family was growing distant. My mom is almost never home and same goes for Joey. Chresanto moved Upstate at the end of the summer, so Yeah. I'm all alone with my babies. This is why Roger has been the light of my mood lately. He keeps me company and cares for me. I've even shared some secrets with him, that I never even told Jacob. I told him how much I loved to write songs and sing. He even made me sing for him. I grew to be very comfortable around him and I can honestly say that I'm falling in love with him. But I'm not certain about it.