Ryan Ross Imagines

Depression

This is after Ryan's dad died.

The day Ryan got the call about his dad he didn't cry, he didn't yell, or sob. He shut down. He didn't talk to anyone, he rarely moved around, he didn't even eat. I attempted to talk to him a few times every day, but he rarely answered, usually told me that he was okay or that he wasn't hungry. Anyone could see that he wasn't okay, wasn't fine or anything of that sort. Anyone could tell that he was hurting, you could see it in his eyes.

He'd pretty much blocked me out by now. He stayed in our bedroom all day and night, and I slept out on the couch...until I finally got fed up with being alone.

I got up from the couch, wrapped my fuzzy blanket around my shoulders and walked down the hall to our small bedroom. I knocked on the door twice, leaning my shoulder against it. "Ryan? Ca-Can I come in?" I sighed when he didn't answer, "Ryan, I'm worried about you. I-I'm coming in." My hand was shaky as I turned the knob, and pushed the door open slightly.

The sight before me was unexpected and I almost cried as I saw him. Ryan was sat on the floor beside our bed, tears rolling down his face, whiskey bottle in his hand. The room was dark and gloomy, the sunlight trying to come in through the heavy drapes cast eerie shadows on everything. His brown hair was in knots and he was shaking with sobs that wouldn't come out. "Ry...why did you lock yourself in here? I want to help you, baby." I shook as I kneeled on the ground next to him. "Because I don't need your help," he answered bitterly, taking another sip from the glass bottle. "I don't need anyones help. Why does no one get that?" He scoffed before looking at me, his brown eyes dull and glazed over. They did that when he was drunk.

"...Ryan..." I mumbled, reaching out for him. "No! I don't fucking want to talk to you, I don't need you," he growled, pushing my hand away roughly. "You don't need me?" I asked accusingly. "Yeah, I don't need you. Deal with it." I laughed bitterly, "Who was it that took care of you when you were sick? Who was it that let you stay over when your parents got divorced? Who was it that hugged you every night when your dad got drunk and used to hit you?" He looked up at me, his eyes filled with tears. "That was me Ryan. I've been there for you since we were kids and you're telling me, that you don't need me?" I scoffed and got up, "That's bullshit." I turned towards the door before feeling something on my wrist. I looked down and realized it was Ryan's hand. "Don't leave me, please. I'm sorry. Y-Your right, just please don't leave me alone in here."

The tears came faster now and he buried his face in his hands, dropping the now empty bottle of whiskey. I had never heard him cry this hard, and it broke my heart to see him this broken. I kneeled down next to him and pulled him closer to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I pulled him so he was almost on my lap. I hugged him tightly and noticed how much skinnier he had actually gotten.

"I l-love you. Please don't leave m-me for this. I p-promise I'll never get drunk again, just d-don't leave me." His voice was shaky and slurred, he was scared. "It's okay, I'm not going to leave you, Ry."

He looked up at me, and I wiped his cheeks with the edge of my soft blanket. "Promise?" He asked, his voice quiet, and unsure. "I promise." He nuzzled his face closer to my chest and yawned adorably. I smiled and rubbed his back gently, trying to soothe him to sleep.

He groaned and moved around a bit, trying to get comfortable on the carpeted floor. "Have you been sleeping much?" I asked, running my hands through his hair. He shook his head, "I cant really sleep very well without you." I mentally awed before kissing the top of his head, "Come on, let's go to bed." He pulled away from me and we both got up, me trying to steady him so he didn't fall. "You're going to have such a bad hangover tomorrow, Ry." We both laughed and he gave me a cute lopsided grin before laying down on the bed.

I layed down next to him and he rolled over so that his head was resting on my shoulder and his right arm was draped over my stomach. "I love you." He whispered. "I love you too, Ryan." I closed my eyes and we both fell asleep comfortable and happier than before.