"I'm Fine" (Adopted by 5SOS)

Chapter 5

\|/ Amber's POV \|/

They all rushed to my side and attempted to figure out what's wrong.

I felt my eyes start to droop as the pressure in my chest continued to grow.

"What's going on?!" I heard someone panic.

I felt myself being lifted up and placed on something soft. Maybe my bed? How did they pick me up so easily?

My breathing never slowed down as they tried to help me.

"Amber. You gotta breath, babe. Take deep breaths." I heard Calum say.

I tried to do as he said, but it didn't work. I really need my inhaler.

"In- hal- er." I managed to breath out. The word was broken, but I hoped they could understand me.

He looked at me in confusion before he understood what I said. "Find an inhaler!" He ordered the others, his voice quick and startling.

I couldn't tell what was going on, but I felt the metal being placed between my lips. "1, 2, 3." I heard someone say. They pressed it down and I breathed in the medicine, like I knew to do.

The pressure in my chest died down as I felt the medicine beginning to work.

"Again. 1, 2, 3." They pressed it again and it took a few minutes, but the room finally stopped spinning and I could think correctly.

I looked around me to see that I was on my bed. Calum was right beside me, holding me up with one hand while my inhaler was in the other. The other boys were looking at me worriedly.

"I'm fine." I told them. Shutting my eyes again for a second as I focused on the air filling my lungs and being released through my mouth again.

"What happened?" Calum asked.

"I have anxiety and asthma. Panic attacks easily turn into asthma attacks. It's called panic induced asthma." I explained. I usually keep things to myself but what was I going to say? I was running in circles around my room and I had an asthma attack?

"Do you get them a lot?" Michael asked.

I shrugged lightly. "It depends on what's going on." There was a lot going on.

"Are they always that bad?" Luke asked.

"No. Just everything thats happened the past few days, hit me all at once." I told them.

They nodded in understanding. "Do you need anything?" Ashton asked.

"I'm fine." I lied. "I just need some time to think."

They nodded their heads in understanding and started to leave the room.

Calum stopped in the doorway and turned around. "You know, if something's wrong, you can always talk to one of us." He said. I know he was concerned, but he didn't need to be. He didn't even know me yet.

I nodded. "I think that right now I just need some time to process things."

"Okay." He sent me one more smile before heading out the door.

I waited until I heard his footsteps go down the stairs before I quietly shut the door and locked it. I went to my backpack and pulled out the thing I need for release. I went out to the balcony and sat down with my legs dangling between the poles. I rolled up my sleeves and put the metal against my skin. I added new cuts all over the older ones, and watched the blood roll off my wrist, onto the ground as I held my arm in the air over the edge.

I waited for the blood to stop running and I carefully pulled my sleeves down. I hurried into my bathroom to clean up the cuts. I somehow found relief in the stinging pain that came with the water hitting my bloody wrist. I deserved this, and I know that.

"Amber?" I heard Calum call as he knocked on my door.

"Yeah!" I replied loud enough for him to hear me.

"Can you come downstairs? We need to talk." He said.

My breath hitched in my throat and I froze. What do they need to talk about? What if they decided they don't want me? What if they just saw me hurt myself somehow? What if this is all a joke? Why-

"Amber?" Calum called softly, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll be down in a minute." I reply.

I heard his footsteps trail down the stairs so I hurriedly finished washing my arm.

I went downstairs and stopped in the lounge where the lads were.

"You guys wanted to talk to me?" I ask.

They look up at and nod. "You're not in trouble or anything. We just want to know your past." Luke explains softly.

I sat down and take a deep breath. "My dad left my mum so my mum started drinking all the time. She lost her job and we didn't have money for anything. She started abusing me and I had to do anything she said or I would just get even more hurt. I ended up stealing things frequently so we could survive. Mum would go to parties and leave me home alone. Those days were the days I listened to music all day and did whatever I please. Then one day she got really mad and I ran away from her and you guys saved me." I summed up. Telling people everything that's happened to me isn't easy, so I did my best to make it quick, only telling them what they needed to know.

They just looked at each other strangely.

"Can I go back upstairs? I have to unpack." I asked hesitantly.

"Of course!" Calum grinned at me.

My feet brought my body into in the stairs, into my room, and straight to my bathroom sooner than I could process where I wanted to go.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and stared into my eyes.

I watched them change from the brown they've been for the past few days, to a dull green. I stopped looking as they stopped changing, and went outside to look at the stars.

I sat with with my back against the rails of my little balcony and looked up at the shining little objects in the sky.

I sat there, staring at the stars for a very long time before I heard a knock on my door.

I sighed and went back into my room. I opened the door to see Calum standing there.

"Hey, din- woah." He his eyes widened.

"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"Your eyes! I know they weren't that color the last time I saw you." He stated. There were lines forming on his forehead as his confusion became evident.

"What color are they now?" I asked him, slightly humored that he was so fascinated by it.

"They're the brightest blue I've ever seen for eyes!" He exclaimed.

"Oh. They change color. Sometimes you can see it happen." I explained.

"Why do they do that?" He asked.

"I'm not sure. It's just this cool thing, I guess. I used to know the name of whatever made them do that but I don't remember." I told him.

He nodded. "Oh, yeah! Dinners done." He said.

"I'll be down soon." I smiled.

He nodded and headed down stairs.