The Online Experience

November 19, 1995

Grumpybluebear: So thanksgiving is in a few days. Got big plans?

SixStringGuy: yeah not so much. I don't know. It's all really up in the air still.

Grumpybluebear: oh, well it's a little last minute to still be figuring this out don't you think.

SixStringGuy: well I offered to hold it at my home with a menu I found suitable, but my future in-laws said no.

Grumpybluebear: um, ok?

SixStringGuy: they are demanding a "traditional" thanksgiving, but I'm vegetarian. So we would have tofurkey and meatless stuffing and all that. They promptly refused to attend, which then upset my fiancé and I was quickly deemed the villain. So I don't know what the hell we're doing. Or if I even want to participate in anything they plan. What about you?

Grumpybluebear: I'm sorry Jamie. If you lived around here is invite you to my parents house. Big family meal and all that and they'd love the challenge of cooking a meatless thanksgiving lol. That reminds me, I won't be on next Sunday, I'll still be heading back from their place at this time.

SixStringGuy: That's cool. I've got some stuff I need to catch up on anyways.

Grumpybluebear: why don't you spend the holiday with your family? You could each spend time with your own families, last thanksgiving without in-laws type of thing. Just an idea :/

SixStringGuy: that's a nice idea Sydney, but I'm not close with my family. That whole relationship is complicated.

Grumpybluebear: as soon as I started reading that I somehow knew it was going to be complicated ;)

SixStringGuy: you've got me all figured out :)

Our conversation had been going on like this for sometime now. Just biding time with small talk, it seemed like neither one of us was willing to discuss anything more serious. Leaning back in my black chair and putting my feet up on the slightly unstable lower shelf of my desk I tried to figure out what it is I really wanted to say. I wanted to talk about last week, but what the hell was I supposed to say? After his abrupt departure last week I'd taken his suggestion from a few months ago very seriously and I tried taking matters into my own hands, but I was never able to quiet get there; instead I just left myself more frustrated and convinced that I might be broken. The thought had concerned me and sitting her now it still does. I just wish I new how to ease into a conversation like this. He didn't seem to have any trouble with conversations like that and he didn't even ease into them, he jumped in head first. Rubbing my hands over my face I tried to shake the my frustrations and insecurities.

SixStringGuy: Sydney?

A deep breath filled my lungs and my fingers grew a mind of their own as they effortlessly flew across the keyboard.

Grumpybluebear: I tried after to got offline last week, but nothing.

SixStringGuy: What?

Grumpybluebear: never mind.

I'll be damned if I'm going to explain that to him I thought as I felt a blush creep over my cheeks.

SixStringGuy: Oh. Oh I see.  I was going to apologize for last week.

Grumpybluebear: oh

SixStringGuy: But you liked it.

Grumpybluebear: maybe. Did you...you know...

SixStringGuy: New rule. I understand your uncomfortable, but the only way to get over that is to face your fears. So, if you wanna talk about sex you have to use your words. Now, what was your question.