The Online Experience

April 11, 1996 (Part 2)

Pulling back from his kiss slightly, his breath brushing lightly over my lips as my forehead came to rest against his, my right hand slipping through the neatly trimmed hair on the back of his head. A very quiet moan rattling behind his breast bone as I pulled only just barely on the small grasp of hair I held.  The beautifully earthy eyes were closed, a look of bliss covering his delicate features.  He was truly beautiful is these small unguarded moments; so at peace with himself and the situation we found ourselves in and I wanted more than anything else to let myself drift into that peaceful bliss, but the thoughts racing through my cluttered mind simply would not allow it.  I tried for as long as I could to hold it in, to stop those words I'd read from rolling through my head, to quiet the questions that came with those words, but finally the retaining wall of thoughts broke and out came the question I'd never expected, I'd never even consciously let run through my head,

"How many are there?" My eyes fell closed not wanting to meet his as the words started to stumble over my lips, my voice quiet, almost as though a part of me hoped I could voice my concern without being heard. I felt his head tilt slightly as a familiar hand barely skimmed across my cheek.

"How many what?" an honest curiosity ringing in his words making my eyes threaten to open, but my heart didn't think it could handle whatever he might hold in his eyes. I didn't want to be the cause of any hurt in those eyes, I couldn't stand to see it, but I needed to know the answer. 

"Women." His palm cupped my cheek making my eyelids flutter, but I forced them to stay shut. My heart jumped at the sound of his deep intake of breath, the only sound that cut through the space between us.

"Why would you think..."

"Why else would you have a section in the contract about getting another woman pregnant?" my voice more forceful, cutting him off as if ending the hurt in his voice would save me from hurting at the thought of him telling another woman the things he's been telling me this past week.

"Sydney," the tone in that voice, words smooth, teetering on sensual as the pad of his thumb caressed the delicate skin under my right eye. The palm of his hand holding firm against my cheek as my jaw started to quiver just slightly, "please look at me honey." Pursing my lips I shook my head gently, my mind not willing to let him see the vulnerability that was increasingly creeping over me. Lips just barely touched the lines that I knew were showing along my forehead before his chin rested on the top of my head which was sinking slowly down to rest against his beating heart.

"I don't want to just be one of many." whispering against the dark hair of his chest as I nestled against him, looking aimlessly for solace. I expected something, an explanation, an excuse anything really, except what happened next.

"In the event of another pregnancy during the marriage Mrs. Nelson (Miss Garcia) will have no say in how said pregnancy is handled, nor is there any requirement to make her aware of a second pregnancy, henceforth defined as a pregnancy with another woman during the course of this marriage. This marriage cannot be terminated at the request of Mrs. Nelson because of a second pregnancy, nor can she use a second pregnancy to make further demands in regard to her current pregnancy. Any offspring of Mr. Prince Rogers Nelson will be handled equally during his marriage to Mrs. Nelson; Offspring, whether of age, underage, or not yet born will all be financially cared for and attended to by Mr. Nelson without interference from any third parties." His careful voice read the words without any emotion, none of the anger or excuses I anticipated were there. He was simply delivering me the cold facts as they appeared on the screen.

"But we weren't together, so if I'm the only one, why did you put that in the contract?" I mumbled, my lips unconsciously brushing his chest. A shaky breath ripped through his body, hands tangling in my hair as if to hold me in place against him.

"Please do not jump to conclusions Sydney, let me talk before you say anything." There was a soft, pleading tone to his words, and as if out of instinct I silently nodded against his chest. "I've always wanted a family, to be a father," my body stiffened at his quiet revelation, "there have been a few instances in my life where that appeared to be on the verge of happening..." a long pause filled the space between us. Long enough to let my mind fill with crazy, outrageous scenarios. He was after all a famous musician, obviously with enough means and pull to make things happen, to hide parts of his life if he so chose to.

"Do you have children?" My head pulling back slightly, questioning eyes settling on his face and shocked to find a sad, far off look in his eyes. His head shook in the negative.

"Unintentionally there have been a few pregnancies, but," he paused abruptly in an attempt to hide the catch in his voice that cracked my heart, "all of them miscarried." Earthen eyes not once looking at me, but his hand never stopped its slow stroke through my hair. "I promise there is no one else Sydney and I'm not trying to get you pregnant. This was only included in the contract as a precaution, so she couldn't force me into a decision I couldn't make. A decision I wouldn't made." Suddenly things started to fall into place, to make a little more sense about him and this situation he found himself in. His willingness to jump through hoops for a baby that only might be his. My fingertips landing softly against his cheek, the sharp prick of his surprisingly fast growing whiskers after not having shaved for three days sent a tingle through my nerve endings. Haunting eyes searched mine, and the truth they held was undeniable. The pain, the stress, the hurt, so many emotions it looked like his strength was crumbling right in front of me, sitting in the very chair where I'd been that very first night I spoke to him.

"You know this is where I first met you." trying to ease the tension in his eyes, but only making his head tilt in confusion as my words. I was satisfied with his answers and now all I wanted to do was take his mind to simpler times, happier thought. I wanted to wipe the hurt away from him completely. "Sitting in this chair, behind that screen." my head motioning to the monitor still displaying the contract. A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I visibly saw the heavy emotions start to evaporate from his eyes, replaced by something more lighthearted. "You told me playing guitar was a hobby." his soft laugh shook his shoulders gently and the familiar mischievous glint in his eyes returned.

"You suspected I was a strip club owner." he threw back at me his hands wrapping around me and coming up over my shoulders to hold me possessively.

"Well, I'm still not completely sure you're not." Giving him a teasing laugh.  His mouth opened to speak and was silenced by the shrill ring of the phone. We looked at each other for a moment, an unspoken conversation taking place in a matter of seconds about that ringing device and the trouble that seemed to come with it. With a determined smile I left his lap and walked to the phone, answering it casually.

"Hello?"

"Sydney?" All the emotions I thought I'd feel didn't appear when I heard her judgmental voice. Instead I looked squarely in the  eyes of the man sitting in my computer chair and spoke.

"Hi Meg. I was expecting your call yesterday."