The Online Experience

April 7, 1996 (part 3)

"Sydney?" A shiver shook through her body at my words, maybe it was my breath ghosting over the soft skin of her neck since my cheek was resting against her shoulder still. The feeling of her delicate fingers sewn together with mine in her firm grip had surprised me when she'd first made the small gesture and I'd wondered if she was going to push me away, but that was quite some time ago and since then we've just been sitting here. Her body pressed gently back against me, my arms holding her in place and her hands engulfing mine. Her crying had settled and her breathing and heartbeat had nearly returned to normal, and once again we had drifted into silence. But honestly, as long as she's not leaving or pushing me away I'm perfectly content.

"I don't hate you..." her words barely above a whisper, but I could feel them reverberate through her back against my chest, tingling against my nipples.

"I hope you don't." My voice matching the quiet tone of hers as her grip tightened around my hands. "I really am sorry and I'd do anything to make sure I don't lose you and our friendship." I could feel the heat radiating off the pulse point in her neck as I curiously inched my face closer to that spot. I couldn't remember if I tasted her neck last time, but right now I wanted to taste that throbbing patch of flesh.

"Prince?" A barely audible gasp of air came from her as I blew a puff of warm breath against that spot.

"Yes Sydney?" Her head turned to try to look at me through this heavy blanket of night.

"Do you love her?" Lifting my head slightly, surprised at her sudden change of subject and that specific question.

"No." the answer required no thought on my part. Leaning her forehead against mine, our faces close enough that I could finally see just the slightest hint of the green that lives in those expressive eyes.

"Do you love me?" My eyebrow arched as I took the time to mull over the question I'd been pondering myself these last few weeks. I'd been telling myself there was no way to fall in love with someone you only knew as a screen name and met in person only once, but sitting here with her in my arms I was torn.

"I don't know yet." Her head nodded in understanding.

"Prince." My name rolled off her tongue easier this time. Her eyes stayed trained on mine as if looking for something she had been expecting but couldn't seem to find. Waiting for something, perhaps afraid of what's to come next.

"Are you alright mama?"

"Show me?" Her fingers unraveled from mine and began trailing soft lines over my forearm, leaving a trail of unexpected goosebumps over my chilled skin.

"Show you what?" Those soft fingers continuing up my arm, across my cotton covered bicep and shoulder until her palm cupped my smooth cheek.

"How sorry you are." I'm sure she could hear my heart start to speed up against my breast bone as I looked for any hint of a second thought in what little I could see of her eyes, but of the plethora of emotions I could see, I found no hesitation. Her chest was moving with the deep breaths she was now drawing in anticipation. Her lips parted as if to speak again, but instead I closed the gap between us and swallowed everything she'd planned on saying. Her lips soft, the feeling of her mouth almost timid against mine. The taste of her mouth so familiar and so intoxicating, but there was a nagging fear in the back of my mind. She quietly pulled back from me as she moved her frame in my arms, turning herself to  come face to face with me.

"I don't want to do anything you'll regret." My words measured as I pushed her hair back behind her ear.

"Are you keeping anything else from me?" Shaking my head no as her hands trailed through the hair on the back of my head. "Is your real name Prince?" Nodding yes as her hands trailed around my head both coming to rest on my cheeks as she placed soft innocent kisses against my eager mouth. Bringing my hands up to rest gingerly on the back of hers, and those leading kisses quickly stop. Again her agile fingers wrap around my hand, her thumb sliding across the cool metal warmed only by my body heat.

" what are you more upset about? Me touching you last time or that ring?" Cocking my head as she continued to learn the feeling of the band.

"I don't understand you Prince" there was a tension present in those words, I tension I felt I'd heard before. Wrapping my free arm around her, I held her tight against me, afraid her instinct to run was kicking in.

"Take it off if you want." She scoffed at me, but her fingertip settled on the gold band moving it slightly; up to my knuckle, then back in place. It was as if she wanted to see how easily I could be divested of the band and with it my marriage.

"Taking off the ring doesn't make you not married anymore." Nodding in acknowledgement of those honest words. "Where does she think you are?" And there was the question I was hoping to avoid, at least for today. I wasn't ready to answer that, at least not honestly.  I still hadn't figured out how to explain all of this to Sydney, nor did I imagine I'd be in this position with her the day I arrived. If I tell her now she'll run for sure and that thought alone made me short of breath. Just one more, tiny omission.

"She's in Florida visiting her mother, she doesn't even know I'm gone." That was the truth, no lies there. Of course Mayte knew I'd end up here at some point, hell I forced her to agree to this before the wedding. But now was not the time to tell Sydney all those sordid details.

"I'm going home." The finality in her words told me there was no room for discussion. Removing my arm from her waist she stood and headed back to her car. After a few deep breaths to settle my nerves and giving my blood time to return to all it's usual places I walked after her, closing the passenger side door as she turned the key in the ignition. My eyes stayed on her the entire ride, enjoying finally being able to clearly take in her delicate features on her makeup free face. As she put the car in park I turned, expecting to see my hotel, but instead I was met with the exterior of her generic apartment complex. "Come with me." Her words simple and she didn't bother waiting for an answer. Entering her second floor apartment, I waited awkwardly next to the coat closet, uncertain what she intended. Her front door closed with a small click and the loud deadbolt slid into place before she made her way to me. There was no hesitation in her movement as she took my left hand in hers and slipped the ring off my finger. She inspected the band briefly before tossing it into a small glass dish filled with discarded spare change. "You don't wear that here." Her words barely had time to meet my ears before she slammed me back hard against the closet door, her lips latching onto mine in a demanding kiss.