The Scorned Lover

TSL 23: Mijares

MALING AKALA. Akala ko walang katuturan ang kasabihang, maraming namamatay sa maling akala. But I was wrong. I got it all wrong. I used to believe that there's nothing compares to the pain a "simple lie" could inflict. But I was wrong again. Remorse does. There's nothing more painful than the pain regrets could give.

The fact that I cannot do anything to take back what I've said is too suffocating. I've already hurt her, that's the shear reality. I've gnawed her heart because of my stupidity. Dang it!

I'm really sorry, UK. I really am.

Why do I have to realize that she deserves the world when it's too late? Why do I feel this pain when it was all my fault in the first place? F*ck!

"Don't act as if you're hurt when you didn't think twice before lying to me, bitch. Enough of you're lies. I'm fed up."

I winced when a memory flashed through my mind. And a question hit me when I realized what I've done. Do I deserve to be loved? Do I deserve her love?

Gold Reign. I smiled bitterly while staring at her picture. Maybe foolishness is next to my name. Ang laki kong tanga para pakawalan siya. Ate Bridgette was right all along.

I breathe heavily. Matatanggap pa kaya niya ako? Matatanggap niya pa kaya ako sa buhay niya sa kabila ng lahat ng mga nasabi ko sa kanya?

"Ang lalim ah." I was halted when Dad sat beside me. Nasa veranda ako ng kwarto ko dito sa mansyon.

"Ano, anak? Na-realize mo na bang tanga ka? Nasa kamay mo na ang ginto, tinapon mo pa. Ang malala pa, pumulot ka pa ng bato at ipinukpok sa ulo mo."

I laughed painfully. Damn it! Dad's right.

"Dad, what did you do when you discovered that Mom has a another man aside from you?" I asked. I know their story as well. Minsan nang ikinuwento ni Mommy sa amin ni Ate Bridgette 'yon.

"Alam mo anak, naniniwala na talaga ako na, history repeats itself. Kasi napagdaanan na namin ng Mommy mo ang pinagdadaanan mo ngayon. Ang pinagkaiba nga lang, mas tanga ka." He chuckled and grabbed the bottle beside me.

"Tss. Believe me, I know it Dad."

"Alam mo naman kung gaano ako ka patay na patay sa Mommy mo di ba?" We laughed in unison. It's true. I've witnessed how madly inloved Dad with Mom was.

"At kahit hindi niya ako mahal noong una, hindi ako sumuko. I did everything to make her fall for me. Kahit ang sakit sakit na ay hindi pa rin ako bumitaw. Kasi pag binitawan ko siya, mas hindi ko kakayanin ang sakit. Ganun ko kamahal ang Mommy mo."

For a second, I remain bewildered. A memory of her chasing me flashed into my thoughts. She never stopped chasing me until I realized I have feelings for her too. She's one of a kind.

"Sa tingin mo mahal pa rin kaya niya ako, Dad?" I queried. Pero hindi ko maiwasang kabahan sa maaaring sagot ng sarili kong tanong.

"I don't know, son. Siya lang ang makakasagot ng tanong mo. Pero naniniwala akong 'pag minahal mo ang isang tao, kahit kailan hinding-hindi na 'yon mawawala pa. Maaaring makalimutan mo siya, but the feeling will always be there, hidden in the deepest part of your heart."

A little amount of hope gripped my heart. For now, I should not let the turmoil incorporate my mind. Iyon lang pag-asa ko.

"Thanks, Dad, but I hope it's not yet too late for me."

Dad tapped my back as sign of comfort. This is the first time that we talk like this. Most of time, we only talk about our business. It feels sublime.