Doctor In Black || AMBROLLINS

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The following morning went by really quick, he just had breakfast and went out to smoke, since he woke up pretty late that was everything he did.
In the afternoon Charlotte came over.

'And? Have you asked Rollins about a relationship?' Charlotte asked while swirling a spoon through her coffee.
'No I haven't, didn't found time to do it, every time I saw him there were too much other people around.' Dean answered, he lied because of the reaction Seth had the night before, it was a real personal thing, probably a more personal thing than Dean imagined before he asked.
'Maybe tomorrow.' Charlotte said taking a sip of her coffee.
'Tomorrow?' Dean asked confused. Didn't Seth work tonight?
'He won't come tonight. He said that his mom is ill and that his brother won't be able to come to look for her until tomorrow.' Charlotte said not really caring about doctor Rollins.
'Oh, sounds serious. I hope they're alright.' Dean said quite worried and Charlotte heard that he was worried.
'Two things, Dean. First of all, it won't be something too serious, he wouldn't come back tomorrow if it was. Second of all, why you even care so much? I mean, he's just your doctor, nothing more, or am I wrong?' Charlotte asked, drinking her coffee.
'There's nothing.' Dean answered, maybe a bit too quick.
'There's something! Spit it out, Ambrose!' She said loudly.
'Charlotte, what should there be?' Dean asked, he knew what she meant, but he didn't know how to answer that, even if he only need to answer this to himself.
'Looks like you're just not sure yourself. Maybe you need some time to realize it.' She said.
'Ugh, I need to go, got some work to do.' She said standing up after she looked at her watch.
'See you later.' She said giving Dean a kiss on his forehead before walking out of the room.

Dean felt strange after that conversation. Of course he felt strange before because of the whole amnesia thing, but now it was worse.
'Nothing more than that, or?' He asked himself, but he didn't know how to answer that. He wasn't even sure which kind of answer it could be. What for options did he have?

Was it the kind of question that if you answer it positive, it will mean that you're in love with the other person? Or does it then mean that you're just pretty close, like friends?

He wasn't in love with that asshole which also had a soft and gentle side, but he didn't know. He didn't even know how being in love feels. How could he? He lost his memory and it felt like he never was in love before.

Dean's eye's got wet. What a jerk he was. A 30 year old who didn't know how being in love feels.
'Gosh, what a human being am I?' He asked himself as he rubbed his eyes.
He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them.

His head was full with thoughts, more negative than positive ones. And tears rushed down his face faster and faster.
Why had it to be him?
Why did he had that car crash?
Why did he got the diagnostic amnesia?
Why was he the one that had nothing after all?
Why happened this to him?
Was he a bad person before the accident and was this the payback?

Why did he has such amazing eyes?
Why was his hair so smooth?
Why did he look so good?
Why did he feel different around him?

Dean stopped crying and sobbing after the last questions ran through his head. He almost stopped breathing.
Why did this affect him so much? It wasn't like he wanted it. Or did he want it but didn't want to admit it? It was all so weird, he didn't know what was happening to himself.
And even if he felt something for Seth, Seth didn't. He was a god damn macho and probably not interested in men, and especially not in Dean.
Dean was nothing. And he had nothing, not even any memory of his life, before the car crash happened.
'I'm worthless.' Dean said, over and over again.

Half an hour later he calmed down a bit. He stopped crying and talking to himself, it wouldn't help him anyway. Actually he wanted to go out smoking, but he decided against it. Since Seth mentioned that Dean's eye color changes while crying, he was scared that someone could see that he cried. So he just stayed in his room.

He stared out of the window for a long time until he fell asleep half sitting, and with wet eyes.

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AN// Hello guys! Sorry for the kinda long wait, but I needed to write 2 essays.
Anyways.. Have a great weekend! And I'll update probably tomorrow since you had to wait that long! ;)