Doctor In Black || AMBROLLINS

50

Seth sat on the cold floor in the bathroom while breathing way faster than normal for what felt like hours. Other people would say he had a panic attack and he had to admit that this described exactly what was happening right now.

He expected Roman to answer the call, but that it really happened was another thing. That Roman knew about it was already bad, but this also meant that Nikki knew it and Seth was not sure if she wouldn't tell someone if she hadn't already.

He needed to confront her, he needed to know who told her. And if it was the last thing he would do, maybe, maybe she didn't know it from Dean, maybe Seth was so distracted by the fact that someone knew who he didn't want to know that he blamed Dean for everything although he didn't lie and didn't tell it someone.
But from where did Roman and Nikki knew it then?

Dean was the only one who knew about it.
As sad as it was, he had to be the one who told it someone and trying to tell himself Dean didn't, wasn't making it any better.
Seth had to accept the fact that for a second time someone he liked, betrayed him.
Screw it, someone he loved. It sounded crazy since they only knew each other for a short time, but it was just.. just different. It wasn't hard to love Dean, but to feel loved was something he never thought to experience again, but Dean made him feel like that. Out of everyone it was a male stranger who was a patient he had to take care of.

He even took him home with him and they shared a night together that was breathtaking and for that time he really thought that Dean loved him as well as Seth loved Dean, but just a few hours later and everything changed.

And to now know that there were more people who knew about what happened with Saraya, about how he became a fool for thinking that someone loved him, but was just after his money which he would get once he started to work in a hospital and played with him.

There was a cold sweat coating his entire body while he was shuddering, this.. this is exactly why he never wanted to tell someone because he thought that something like this would happen, he still didn't understand why he was so stupid and told Dean.

'Rollins?' Seth frightened as he heard the grumbling voice of Randy's from the other side of the door.
'Are you okay? It's like 3 am and you haven't left the bathroom since at least half an hour now.' He added before Seth even could have answered after the first time the other addressed him.
'Yeah I'm fine.' Seth answered and carefully stood up so that Randy wouldn't hear that he sat on the floor.

A few seconds later and he opened the door before stepping out as if nothing happened, which was really hard to do.
Randy just looked at him with confusion before entering the bathroom.

Seth was lucky that Randy didn't care about other people or else he probably would have to have a conversation with him now. He went back to his bed and gazed at Nikki while passing her. He wasn't sure what to think or feel at the moment because it felt like everyone was turning on him although some never even have been on his page in the first place.

Within these two moments in Roman's office his whole world broke together. One second he was making weird faces to make Dean smile, and the next second he ran out of this room, away from Dean and Roman.

Seth didn't know why, but it felt worse than the day the policemen stood in front of his door. It felt like every good feeling was sucked out of his body and everything that was left over was sadness. Out of every feeling, it was the worst that stayed in him.

This feeling was destroying him in any way he could think of. He felt like every of his nightmares became a unit and fought him, which happened before, but now he wasn't able anymore to fight back, there was no chance, the darkness defeated him.

From now on, it was just Seth. The money he was going to get from working his ass off every night was now just for him, and his pets of course. Maybe he was going to save it for a new and big house, bigger than the one he already called his, or maybe he was just going to save it under his bed and one day he would die while laying on top of it, but one thing was for sure, he would never fall in love again.

Seth shook his head, what the hell was he talking about? He was just once again trying to lie to himself.
After realizing this, his breathing got faster again, but not because he was having a panic attack for another time, he was crying.
He felt like a worthless peace of dirt, he never thought that one man could destroy his whole world and even make him cry, again and again and again.

What he was feeling right now, was nothing he would wish his bitter enemies, not even Randy.

'You sure are okay?' Seth didn't even hear him come out of the bathroom and Seth wiped the tears out of his face.
'Yeah.' Seth answered and he already regret it because you could clearly hear that he has been crying.
'Rollins, I'm not gonna lie but I don't like you. That doesn't change the fact that I'm not stupid, I mean, are you really crying?' Randy said and Seth wasn't too surprised about half of what he said.
'No, everything's good, I'm just.. tired. Night Orton.' Seth said and faked a yawn before falling down on his side as fast as possible so that the other wasn't able to look at him any longer.
However Randy didn't answer, luckily and Seth just wanted to fall asleep.

He covered himself with the bedsheets and closed his eyes, trying his best to fall asleep, but he couldn't, he was too scared of waking up the next morning and confronting Nikki.

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So, as sad as it is (at least for me) this book is going to an end. But then again, it will take a bit longer since I can't keep it short (because where would be the fun?) Means there's still a bit to come. :)

I just.. hope you are liking this book.