'Cause I Like Him Too Much

Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Gritting on my teeth, I let out a muffled moan once I exerted an effort to wrap this bondage-like material around my thick skin. It felt so tight, even if it was meant to be firm and stretchable for all body types. Tying up all the strings seemed to be hard, I could not bend forward to make sure I got it fine, that it wouldn’t just fall off when I go out. I looked at myself in the room, now quite pleased, my fingers traced the seams of the beige corset which hid the most sensitive layer of membrane I have got in my body.

“Cor blimey, aren’t you slender as ever, Hannah!”, I exclaimed, acting like I was Dorothy Gale, flabbergasted when she saw a new world so beautiful, vivid and full of color.

   I was surprised too. It worked like magic for me. The bulk that could be seen in a plain sight was no longer visible. For the meantime I needed it to be hidden, it mustn’t be noticed. I put on a skirt, zipping it from the back. I started wear a collared chemise, placing my arms through its armholes, I did all the buttons and fixed the collar as I looked at myself again.

  The girl I saw in the mirror now looked like what she was used to. Pale, dressed up in simple clothes, she’d got that long braid that kept dangling on her back….and importantly…. she looked thin too. Just like how she was back then.

  I stretched my lips and tried to smile.

  The smile soon faded before I knew it. I sat down on the bed, sighing deeply while my feet reached out for the pair of shoes that was kept under the bed. I wore them, I took my time to get up, and my eyes got their chance to stare at the half-opened box in where the thin, silver necklace I got from George was lying untouched. I opened it last night before I went to sleep, but I didn’t lay a hand on it, or look closely at it. I thought it was something else, something that would lessen my worries, and would give me this assurance and comfort I needed. Sadly, it didn’t. Instead I felt worse—everyday, my chest became heavier with fear and affliction. Everyday I became more upset, disappointed with what was happening around me. I wasn’t only worrying on how I would cope on my own, I couldn’t help myself not think that maybe, there could be something wrong with George too.  He was miles away from home. He was very far away from me. How would I know that he’s doing perfectly fine out there? Was he even thinking of me?

  Please. I need him. He’s the only one I can count on. He’s all I’ve got!

  I drew my eyes on the edge of the side table, giving a glimpse on the image of the two smiling faces in the sepia-tinted paper. George and I looked very happy in there, with our extensive beams and our eyes filled with zeal showing how greatly blissful we were in our early days together as a couple. Those days, my eyes remained its stare and I sighed. From where all it began, puppy-love they say, fancying going out with another, the nights I watched him playing in that old club. As we carried on with the first months, and the times he had been away, going to and fro to Hamburg and London, our love grew. The warm affection I felt for him grew stronger, he’d be gone for a day, and I already missed him. Every time I saw him coming by, I felt the need of his kisses, the way his hands roam around my body. The friction between our bodies every time we make out made me crazier, it made me forget the timidly shy and discreet Hannah I used to be. I did forget almost everything about my past when I surrendered myself to the man I love, leading to the tender intimacy that took place the day before he was gone. I could see why everything that has happened between brought a new phase in our lives. Especially in mine.

  I traced the contour of George’s face in the picture with a finger. “If only you know how much I miss you, George. I need you so badly, I wonder if you know that.”, I stopped and my mouth produced a tiny, but a very low kind of giggle. “And sometimes, I think of this and it makes me sad…”