'Cause I Like Him Too Much

Chapter Forty-Four

I had awoken up with the bright, familiar light gloating down all over me. It was very bright that I couldn’t resist closing my eyes again and letting the rest of my senses to fathom. The environment around me was so serene, its sound of silence induced me to think and wonder if I was still in my aunt’s house—the last location all I ever recalled I was last standing, where I would be hearing the whistling of the kettles and clanking noise created by the pots and pans. Also, I would be feeling the warmth of the huge, thick four corners that surrounded everyone in it, and the presence of my Aunt Anne and some tenants that happened to stay there with us. Sadly there was none right now, no such aura seemed to exist in the place I was at this very hour. I fastened the pace of my breathing and breathed the air in and out, even if it gave my nose and lungs a tingle, for the scent of the air felt and smelled quite different.

For one more time, I tried to open my eyes but the blinding luminosity still remained and I did nothing but to look askance, merely to see little of what was around me. My body was aching, I tried to move my shoulders yet compressing them caused a strong and sudden discomfort in my back that in spite of my attempt to rise, I was left with no choice but to keep lying down. The friction between the rear of my body and the thick and soft surface gave me the feeling that I had been sleeping deeply for a quite long age and the similar vigor of numbness and spasm made me aware of it so.

My head moved on both sides after hearing the sound of the creaking door and a pair of footsteps or maybe two approaching. A cumbrous cry escaped from my slightly parted lips as I tilted my head up so I could see who was or were inside the room with me. But then again my second effort was no use. I remained tucked in with nothing to see but a blurred vision of two figures.

“She’s awake! My child call the nurse and hurry!”, exclaimed a voice that belonged to a woman.

“Yes, Mama!”, I heard the kid responded and the door shut in a haste.

I just knew whose voice was it anywhere. I just knew. Same range of panic I heard in her tune when she saw me having difficulty in moving last night. I turned out to be very unwell last night, am I right? Or was it the other night? I stopped and immersed my head, returning to the supple and velvet-like material.

Everything in the present time was put on hold and I let myself draw back to see an old figment of mine abiding the great pain. I could see a faint image of Carmen becoming frail as she witnessed the dread that triggered the shivers in her own body. She was to see the pain in me, but it was I who was meant to succumb to it. It was gone away soon on the other hand it left me feeling weaker than ever, and emptiness took its chance to dwell in. The life that was supposed to be waiting for six months more, slipped out of me in a gasp. It wasn’t well-grown neither strong enough. It wanted to be out of the womb so early and was not fated to survive.

Now it had left me alone. It left nothing that would dole out as a proof of its existence. It left me nothing but blood.

I would like to make my both hands closer and use them as a mask on my face while I weep with all my might. My eyes became watery and in no time I knew I would be sobbing like I always did though I could not help but to notice at first the small, translucent duct that was fixed on my left hand, just right above my knuckles. I pored over my sight on that thin tube, examining its entire length and where it came from. It led me looking at the tall, metal pole that was standing near my side. It held a clear sac and under it was the long thin tube that adjoined my hand. No need for me to speculate where I was and where I had just woken up because I was certain that this was the only place I would be brought in. Unhurriedly, my vision became more vivid as my head remained sane and stable, and had finally stopped emitting aches I couldn’t bear. My body started adjusting to the surroundings that it was in however there was still an ache that could not be possibly healed by being hospitalized. The ache remained severe and it was for me to carry for the rest of my days.