little miss behzinga // sdmn

thirty three

*three months later*

mynameisbef: three months today, I miss you💙👼🏻

I sighed and threw the phone on my bed.

The last three months had really changed me. Harry wasn't around lots since he was with his family of course and the last time we properly spoke was at Josh's funeral back in February. It was April now.

I spent much more time with Ethan because I was scared out of my mind that the same would happen to my brother. He seemed to be the only one keeping me sane around here.

Pulling open my MacBook lid, I clicked shuffle on my Spotify playlist and flicked through some twitter mentions.

There were the usual edits and normal things.

I spent around an hour tweeting people back and the fandom was going crazy.

After a while, I ordered pizza and lay back into my bed. My life was officially sadder than ever.

Sighing, I retreated to my loft and put on Gossip Girl for the thousandth time while looking through Instagram.

Literally.

Nothing.

OH SHIT! I forget to ask the boys if they want pizza too!

Quickly, I canceled the order and ran downstairs into the hall. I was only wearing some tiny Adidas shorts and Harry's jumper but I didn't really care; it's only the boys.

"Anyone want Dominos?" I shouted.

"Pepperoni, please" Simon shouted.

"BBQ!" Tobi called.

"Eth, you want mozzarella sticks?" I shouted once again.

"Yup!" My brother screamed.

I laughed and ran back up to my room, ordering the Dominos once again.

*lil time skip*

The doorbell rang and I ran downstairs. I grabbed the boxes off the boy and paid him. Smiling, I shut the door.

I delivered Simon, Josh and Eth their orders before heading to my room with my own pizza.

The smell of it wafted up my nose and I smiled before digging into it. I devoured the whole thing as I checked Instagram to see a picture on Harry's account.

wroetoshaw: last night x @ Guernsey

He was with a few boys but one girl was there and she stood out to me. Katie.

I clicked onto her account through the tag and looked through her posts. She was really pretty, super pretty. There were a few pictures of her and Harry on there. I couldn't tell what this feeling was in my stomach but I didn't like it.

God, I need to stop. He's not even my boyfriend.

I'm underage.

I shut my laptop tightly and my mind wandered to video ideas. After a while, I decided on a pack opening and I might do a cover.

The pack was shit, like everything else in my life.

I screamed before shoving my face into my pillows.

Why was everything so hard since Josh died?

I gulped before opening my laptop and pressing shuffle on my sad playlist as always. Head in my hands, I soaked up the music deeply.

This was the only thing that kept me sane.

My mouth followed along to the words of the Ed Sheeran song playing. Obviously, it reminded me of him.