Tea is good, I needed tea to distract myself from the fact that Ashton called me love. No one has ever called me love, oftentimes I felt like no one loved me. Maybe Zoey loved me, in the best friend way. Although I wanted someone to love me in the way that they take care of you, they tell you you're beautiful, they fully love you with their entire being. I wanted to be loved in a way that characters in movies are loved. I want to be totally madly in love with someone and I want them to reciprocate the feelings.
Once we arrived at the tea place we sat down in my favorite booth that allowed for a view of the ocean during the day. Since it was night time there wasn't much of a view but I was okay with that. I was still wrapping my mind around what had occurred tonight. I said nothing more to Ashton as we sat in silence.
"Earth to Madison," Ashton said, breaking me from the trace I was living in. "What's going on in that pretty little head?"
"Wouldn't you like to know," I reply sassily.
"I sure would, especially if it has to do with me."
"Sorry but it doesn't," I reply quickly. "Anyways I think a good peppermint tea sounds so good."
"Do you space out like this often?" Ashton asks, ignoring my comment about tea.
"Sometimes, it depends."
"Whatever, I'll go grab your tea, I don't really want any," Ashton says as he leaves the booth. After a few minutes, he comes back with my tea. The steam flows out of the cup before disappearing towards the roof.
"Will you be okay here alone? I think I need to go home, my adoptive parents will be worried."
"Yeah, I'll be fine," I confirm and try to give him a strong smile. He looks at me wearily. "Must be nice to have parents that worry about you," I say without meaning to. I didn't mean for it to slip out but I just couldn't stop the words from flowing from my mouth.
"It's alright," he said with a shrug. "Anyways," he said with a nod. I gave a small wave and he left. I watched him stop in front of the glass doors. We made eye contact once again. He immediately came back in and sat down at our table once more. "Fuck!" He grunted and ran a hand through his jet black hair. "How do you do this to me? I can't leave you when you're in this state. It feels like I'm practically stabbing you."
"I-I'm fine. It's fine, please. Go home," I try to reassure him.
"Is it though? I hear you say 'I'm fine' but when I look into your eyes all I see is brokenness."
"It is what it is, Ashton."
"It's not though!" He tried shouting back.
"Ashton! You can't act as if you care now that you've seen me vulnerable!" I yell back to him. The cashier, who is the only one in the building looks at us with nervous eyes.
"I can do whatever I want! I'm just trying to figure out who I am, and I think. I like helping people. I want to change and I think you can do that for me. Help me change, Madison," Ashton begged, taking my hand in his. I looked at our now intertwined fingers and felt anxiety growing in my stomach.
"I'll probably fail you, I care hardly take care of myself, Ashton."
"And I can't take care of myself at all, maybe we'll help each other make it through," he said with a smile. "I want to show you a secret, help you trust me. I don't like being vulnerable so this is huge for me," Ashton explained softly. I nodded and watched him intently. He slowly lifted his black long sleeve shirt which revealed his skin covered with red scratches and deep scars. "Don't leave me..." He whispered. I sucked in a deep breath before reply.
"I'm not going to leave you," I whispered and slowly traced some of the scars. "I've got my own... We've got to stop this."
"We can make it through together, isn't that right?" Ashton asked, looking me in the eye. He searched my entire face, waiting as if I'd run for the hills at any moment.
"You have to be an equal partner, you can't act like a dick either, I'm tired of that shit. We're now in this together, okay?" I said, making sure he understood me.
"You've now seen me at my lowest point, there are no more secrets, Maddie. I want to for a real friendship with you. I'd never thought a girl would know my entire story and look at us now.
"I guess I could say the same," I said with a sad smile. "Here's to however long we go on this journey together..."
A/N:
This chapter is dedicated to Jackie cause it's her b-day, 11/5/16
Dear Jackie,
Now I know you're reading this, so here ya go. OMGGGG I'M SO SORRY FOR FORGETTING YOUR BIRTHDAY, PROBS THE WORST BEST FRIEND EVER. BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, AND YOU'RE SO SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL. AND I WAS TOTALLY FINE WITH YOU FORGETTING MY BIRTHDAY, BUT I HATE THAT I FORGOT YOURS. I WAS SO SURE I WOULD REMEMBER. YOU'RE ONE OF THE BEST PEOPLE I KNOW, YOU WRITE AMAZINGLY, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, YOU'RE THE BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
Love,
Your sun <3
12-28-2020: Four years later and she's still one of my best friends :)
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Finding Dance
Teen FictionMadison Blackwell. A name most people don't know because she is not the popular type. She is a dancer at heart and can't picture doing anything else with her life. However, due to her mother leaving and her father blaming her for her mother's absen...
