S E A R C H I N G

5

Running. I ran down every single corridor. Twisting and turning. Hands grabbing at me. His hands. I could feel him squeezing my breasts. Pinching my skin. And then I came to the front door. I could leave.... I squeezed the handle. My knuckles turning white. Then popping out my skin. I felt searing pain in my hands as I continued to squeeze and squeeze....

"Anna!" I stirred.
"ANNA!" I sat up straight, my eyes squinting. I realised I was squeezing Ethan's arm.
"Sorry. It, um. I had a nightmare. Sorry."
"It's fine. How do you feel?"
"I'm fine. My head hurts." And my hips and my back and my legs and my heart.
"Yeah, it happens to me as well. After a panic attack..." He looked away, ashamed.
There was an awkward silence so I got up and went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and tied my hair up in a messy bun. When I was looking in the mirror I realised my top was tucked up. Maybe he saw... No. He would've said something.

I walked back to the main room to see he was watching spongebob. "What's the time?" I asked him, making him jump.
"Urrr...3:48."
"Wow. I'm so sorry, you can go. If you want..."
"I'm not leaving you."
"Ethan..."
"Anna..."
"Grayson's probably so worried right now. He's probably calling the police to file a missing persons report."
He shrugged his shoulders. "Ethan... Please. At least check he's still alive." He got up, walking to me as I leant against the doorframe.

"Why don't you want me to stay, huh?"
I sighed heavily, looking up just to see his eyes flick from my lips to my eyes. He put his hand on my neck, tilting my head to his. He bit his lip as my hand went to the back of his neck, stroking the hair at the nape of his neck.

He leaned forward slowly kissing me. Our heads moved in sync as he spun me around so I was leaning against the wall. His hand went down to my hip, brushing the bruise. I jumped and he pulled away. "Are you ok?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowed.
"Just kiss me." I whispered.

He gripped my waist as he kissed me. I winced but I moved his hand up to my waist and he carried on kissing me. He bit my bottom lip and I opened my mouth, his tongue slipping into my mouth. He made me giggle as he played around. "Stop." I giggled as I looked at him. He smiled at me. "Holy shit... He smiles." He rolled his eyes as he turned around.

"Come with me." He called as he put his shoes on by the couch.
"Lemme find my slippers then." I called back as I dug through my suitcase, pulling out my grey slippers. He was already out the door so I quickly grabbed my keys and my phone and locked the door. I ran after him but stopped suddenly when I felt a shooting pain in my hip. "Ahhhhhh." I cried out. I clutched my side as I leant against the wall. Ethan ran back to me. "Hey, hey, what happened?" I shook my head, biting my lip.
"I'm f-fine."
"You're not... Here." He picked me up, carrying me bridal style the rest of the way and unlocked the door whilst holding me. He burst in the door shouting "Honey. I'm home." I giggled as I put my forehead on his.
"Sssshhhhh. You might wake Grayson." I half whispered.
"It's alright. He's probably jacking o-" the light flicked on to reveal Grayson standing shirtless and looking pretty pissed off.

"What the fuck Ethan. You said you were going to the shop. Hi Anna. You could've at least told me. I Waited up for you, worryi-"

"Wow. wow. wow. Hold up. Put me down Ethan." I ordered him to put me down because I had something to clear up.

"Grayson just said that you said that you were going to the shop. But you told me Grayson told you to come and apologise to me. Who's lying?" Ethan shrugged his shoulders and looked at the floor.

"I just wanted to see you...I didn't know you were having a panic attack did I?"

Grayson's head turned to me. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I answered quickly, brushing off his question.

"Well, I'm off to bed now. You're gonna pay Ethan." Grayson said as he sloped off.

"So you wanted to see me huh?" I asked, looking at the floor trying to hide my smile.

He walked up to me, wrapping his hands around my waist and placing his lips on mine. I put my hands over his shoulders as I deepened the kiss.

Suddenly, we were interrupted by Grayson. "Hey hey hey. I don't want to be an uncle yet. And my headphones are broken so y'all better be quiet." He sighed heavily and turned back around, walking back to presumably his room.

I giggled as Ethan rolled his eyes, blushing slightly. "Can I have a blanket for the sofa please?" I asked him shyly.

"You can sleep on my bed. I'll sleep on the sofa." I shook my head at his suggestion.

"Come with me." I whispered. I held his hand and he lead me to his room. I sat on the edge of his bed while he took his shirt off. I stared down at my yoga pants, suddenly finding them extremely interesting because I don't think I'd be able to think straight if I looked at his back muscles a second longer. Then I heard his jeans fall to the floor. The sound was so familiar. I closed my eyes, trying to control my breathing because I knew what was going to happen.

"Ethan..."

"Mmmhh?" He answered, not turning around.

"I need you." I whispered.

"One minute."

"I don't have a minute." He turned around, crawling on the bed and hovering over me as he kissed me. I put my hands on his back as he stroked my cheek with one hand. I felt my heart slow down and my breathing steadied.

"Are you ok now?" He asked as he pulled away.

I nodded. "Thank you."

"Are you comfortable going to sleep in that?" He gestured to my clothes, some yoga pants and a t-shirt.

"I'm fine." I really wasn't. But no way was I showing him my body. I would have to explain everything. "Why. Do you want me to take my clothes off for you?"

He shrugged. "It would be nice but if you're comfortable like that then..." I hit him. "You asked I answered." He moaned. It was silent and then I spoke up.

"I'm such a hoe. How am I already in your bed."

"You couldn't resist the power of Ethan Dolan." He smirked, flexing.

"Awww. Ethan Dolan. I can tell your parents made your name short so that your retarded brain wouldn't fuck it up."

He pouted at me as I laughed. I leant forward and pecked his cheek, his face immediately softening.

"Seriously though. I'm fucked up. I'm 16 and I have panic attacks left right and centre. I'm already in some guys bed and I've known you for like, 12 hours."

Ethan got under the covers and rested his head on my chest while I stroked his hair. "It's ok to be fucked up. I am too." I chuckled as I continued to stroke his hair.

Soon enough, he was snoring lightly as the sun poured through the window.