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CH. 33 -- PATRICK

"Are you wearing a black or white button up?" Pete asks me, and I shrug, turning over. "I know you don't want to go, but it starts in less than two hours. You need to get up and shower."

"It's going to kill me having to carry his body to that motherfucking grave, Pete." I say, and he sighs and lies the shirts over the end of my bed, coming to sit beside me.

"I know it is. But I'll be there right behind you, and we'll get through this together." Pete says, and I snort, rolling my eyes. "Patrick?" He asks, shooting me a questioning look.

"Nothing. It's nothing." I say, and I get out of the bed, walking towards the bathroom.

"'Trick," Pete says, grabbing my shoulder and stopping me from walking any further, "what's wrong?"

"You, Pete. Fuck." I snatch away from his grip and turn to face him. "Telling me you love me but not being able to show it." Pete stops, his hand freezing in mid air to try to place it on my shoulder again.

"Fuck you." Pete snarls, crossing his arms.

"Been trying to do that for a while now." I mumble, turning away from him and going to the bathroom.

"What's your fucking problem? You said you'd wait until I was ready!" Pete says, pushing the door open.

"You cheated on your fucking girlfriend! Sex isn't a big deal to you." I shoot back, and he rolls his eyes at me. "I'm also a nineteen year old guy. Of course I want to have sex with the guy I'm dating. Unfortunately, it looks as if you don't feel the same. Obviously you find me too repulsive to sleep with."

"I find you so fucking repulsive that I'm dating you." Pete says, and he leaves the bathroom then, slamming the door behind him. I sigh as I look at myself in the mirror. I'm a dick.

But I also have a dick. That would like some kind of action, other than my right hand, for the rest of my life.

After pissing and brushing my teeth, I open the door to find Pete fully dressed, pulling his shoes on. He looks up and at me and shakes his head.

"I'm sorry." I say, and he nods, sighing.

"Yeah, me too." He gets up and walks over to me, immediately cupping my cheeks and kissing me hard. "You wanna fuck? I'm all yours as soon as we get back to Seattle."

"No, Pete, it's okay. I'm not forcing you into anything. I want to do this right and make sure you don't regret anything. No matter how many fits I throw, I don't mean it." I say, and Pete smiles at me. "I'm just a horny teenage boy." I add, and Pete's eyes widen.

"Don't say that, you make me sound like an old man." Pete looks serious, but I just laugh in response.

"Wanna buy me a new car, sugar daddy?" I tease, pulling off the sweats I slept in as I head for the bathroom door.

"Get your ass in the shower before I break your nose." Pete smiles at me before adding, "Again."

"Oh fuck you, I just got this thing looking normal again." I say, pointing at my nose. Pete just rolls his eyes and pushes me towards the bathroom.

--

It becomes real when I actually see him in the casket and realise I'll never have another conversation with the man who raised me.

My mother is crying her eyes out, as is my sister. Kevin just sits in a chair with his head in his hands. I excuse myself away from Pete and go to the bathroom.

As soon as I shut the door, more tears are rolling down my face, and I led my head hit the wall when I lean against it. I could really go for a cigarette or three packs right now, but I won't let myself do that.

After cleaning up a bit, I head back into the main room and go straight to my mother, letting her cry on me. "It's okay, Mom, I got you."

"I miss him so much, Patrick. To think I'll never get to hear him whistling at five in the morning or have him bring me a cup of tea in bed almost kills me. I'll never get to complain about how much money he spends at the hardware store or how he doesn't clean our pool out anymore either." My mom rushes out, and I just nod my head, hugging her again.

A tap on my shoulder pulls me out of my trance, and I turn around and am faced with none other than Brent Wilson. A clean shaven, nicely dressed Brent Wilson.

"Um, what?" I mumble, and my mom assures me that she'll be fine, so I get up. Kevin immediately takes my place, and I whisper a 'Thanks' to him as I follow Brent.

He leads me to the room connecting to the one my father is in. Everyone is there. Nick, Andy, Travie, Will, Spencer, Tyler, Gerard, the whole team. I feel my lip begin to quiver as Pete comes up beside me and holds my hand.

"We're here for you, brother." Ryan says, and they all crowd around me, Coach, Brent, and Pete.

"You guys, this means the world to me. Thank you all so much." I can't hold back the tears then, and they all just crowd in closer, arms around the person next to them.

"Brent set this up." Pete whispers to me, and my eyes widen. He's the last person I would've thought -- besides Bryar because we're fighting for the same position -- would do something like this for me.

"Brent, Brent, thank you so much for this." I pull him in for a hug, and I feel him smile against my neck before hugging me back.

"Anytime, Patrick."

okay so any thoughts? plus i'm getting this updating shit under control i think

also thx 4 taking time out of ur day & reading my shit ur awesome

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