You sit here and tell me that you love me, that you care for me. Bull shit. If you really cared and loved me you wouldn't have left the way you did. Not telling me anything and just walking out of my life. You truly make me laugh, say you'd do anything for me? Funny really, you sit and act like you don't know me now. No matter how many times I say hi, you look the other way and pretend you've never seen me before. You're there for me? Really?? Bull shit again.
You could care less if I relapsed, you probably hope I did. And maybe you'll get your wish.
You're the one person who begged me to stay, told me you weren't going to leave right? You made the decision you walked away, and don't walk back to my end of the woods. I'm not there anymore, I ventured off into the unknown of the path. I changed directions and I'm not going back to my old ways. I can't that will only dig me further into this depression period.
Will you understand this, hell no. Even if you did, you wouldn't care. I'm content and I'm happy as I can be for this moment in my life. I can't go back to my old ways, this always happens. My life is good and happy, at least as good as it can be right now. To let these thoughts control me, let these demons take a hold of me is something I'm not willing to do. I will fight these thoughts off. I don't care how well you're doing, I'm gonna show you I'm doing better. I'm done being known as 'That Girl' that's stuck in the past. I wanna be that girl that is going places in the future. One day we will cross paths, both happy maybe then, we will both realize. Realize love wasn't for us, never was. You were my replacement for the thing I lacked in my life. You did the one thing for me I couldn't do to myself.
And I can sit here and write all day about how shit my life is right now. How much I don't want to live it right now, but honestly that's not going to change anything. I need to suck it up and forget all my problems, look at the happy things in life.
I have my best friend, the one person that won't leave me. She always tells me how it is, no matter how much it could hurt me. She stands up for me, she does things that I can't put in words. I wouldn't trade her for the world. Without her I'd be dead in an alley way overdosed on drugs. She saved me when you were off doing your game. She kept me strong, when I couldn't even get myself out of bed. I could never repay her for saving me, but I can be there for her when she needs me.
Its crazy that when I met people I had no idea that they would mean this much to me, when I first met them having no idea that they would mean this much to me. No idea that a simple hello could change my whole perspective of them. That they could turn into someone that I can't live without.
Without these people I don't know where I would be. They never once left me, they were ALWAYS there for me when I needed someone. No matter if we were fighting if I needed them they were there. If I called them when we were fighting they answered because they know if I call I need them. And honestly I'd do the same for anyone..
"I finally fell in love
Now all these bitches wanna come and fuck up my plans
I'm just trying to be who I am
It's just something they will never understand"
