Well, here I am. The hardest thing in life for me was accepting myself. Knowing what I was, that I am not a good person. I hurt people that I love. I can't let myself be happy. I make myself miserable, I make myself unhappy. I do things that I shouldn't. I realized that this life I'm living isn't what I want. And I've always been told "people can't change". Why not? I CAN change. I can be anything I want. And I want to be the person to help people. Not the person to hurt. I'm changing, I'm done with feeling like I'm the reason for peoples sadness. I loved all of the ones I pushed away. Very much.
Maybe me changing can bring them back. Maybe me changing can prove to them that I'm trying. I'm trying to let myself be loved. Loved by the people who never gave up on me. I love you guys. You know who you are.
I won't give up on you guys. If you gave me another chance. But I don't deserve another chance, I've come to realize that. I deserve to be alone. I deserve to be alone.
In case you still don't know that I'm talking to you, I am. If you're reading this you know it's you. You cared enough to check and see what I have written. Took time out of your day to see what bull shit I was writing. See what I was depressed about now. You still check on me, you check my social media. I check yours too. I make sure you're doing okay. All the times I seen you were down I wanted to ask if you were okay. I couldn't. I knew you wouldn't answer. You'd ignore it. But I still support you guys. From far away I'm still so happy for you. You guys pushed through and did what everyone said you couldn't. When the odds were against you, you showed everyone you could.
Long message short, I love you. I care about you. You are not alone. I'm here. A call away I guess. If I saw you calling I'd still answer. Idk I couldn't ignore someone who has brought so much to my life. Been helping me through everything. Helped me over come the hardest things in my life and didn't judge me for it. I'm still going strong BTW. No matter how much I want it I know if I did I'd let you guys down. I love you lots, gosh I sound like a broken record lol. Anyway, I hope you have an amazing day. I hope one day you'll find the kindness in your heart to say hello instead of just stalking my social media.
