More Than Just Friends - Phan

Chapter 38

Day 16 Wednesday:

Dan's P.O.V

I woke up and sat up. I looked over to my left at the bedside table and saw my phone charging. Odd I don't remember putting it there. I grabbed it and went to the kitchen, I walked there slowly as I was checking Twitter and Instagram. I only looked up from my phone when I realised I had walked into the kitchen counter, great going Dan!

I put my phone down and noticed that the house was awfully quiet, I heard nothing but the noises outside. It was kinda creeping me out so I decided to go check Louise's room to see if she was there. I slowly tip toed to her room and peered in through the door. She wasn't there but there was a note on the bed. I walked in a grabbed it.

"Dear Dan.

I have taken the kids to day care. You looked tired so that is why I did it, you need to rest. You have been through a lot and it doesn't seem like you are accepting your families death.

You need to accept it. They are gone, I am sorry that that sounded rude and like I don't care. Trust me I do care, I just want what's best for you.

Anyway there is food in the fridge.

Please think about what has happened and accept it. We will be back around 1. If anyone comes by just pretend you aren't there and hide in the bathroom.

Don't burn my house down while I am gone.

-Louise ♡"

That was kind of harsh but I can't help but laugh at the last part.
Louise is an awesome friend.

I walked into the kitchen yet again and opened the fridge, just as Louise said there was food. She made pancakes and left another note.

" SO YOU FOUND THE PANCAKES!? WELL HEAT THEM UP AND EAT EM'!"

That was a hell of a lot shorter than the last one. I grabbed the pancakes and put them in the microwave.

After I was done eating and scrolling through Tumblr. I decided to actually think about what has happened.

My brother has been dead for I don't know how long but apparently he is dead. Dad died because of me, and mom died because of me to. We maybe it wasn't my fault. I mean she did say it was everything that was going on, losing Dad... The man she loved for most of her life. And it was all my fault. I can't imagine how much she must have hated me. No wonder she killed herself. It was because of me, she obviously hated me cause I am the reason dad died. If I had only kept my god damn mouth shut then this wouldn't have happened.

Warning! Trigger warning. If thoughts and attempted suicide affects you please skip this next part. I will tell you when it is over.

I don't deserve this, I don't deserve Louise helping me. I don't deserve anything. I have already screwed up so much. Who knows what will happen next. Maybe I should end it all... It would be easy, I know where the medicine is or where the knifes are. NO! I CAN'T! If I do what will happen to Autumn? I can't abandon her... I promised to take care of her! But she is just a baby... she won't remember. And anyway Louise can look after her. WHY AM I THINKING LIKE THIS!? I DESERVE DEATH I DONT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE.
"I WANNA DIE!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and then collapsed on the floor crying.
"I don't deserve to live. Just kill yourself. Everyone hates you!" I said to myself while the tears ran down my face.