My Past (Alphonse X reader)

Humanity

The medic handed me some water and pills, I remember feeling them go through my throat, the only sound that filled the room was my swallowing.

'Well, seems you're all good to go, I'll come back in a bit after everything's sorted out. I recommend you stay here to wait for the mechanic though, the nerve connecter didn't seem to be hanging on very well and I would hate to have to amputate your whole arm.'

Amputate. If only they'd done that in the first place. I wouldn't have had to suffer through the pain as my hand was sliced off. I wouldn't have had to watch the blood rush out and I wouldn't have had to hear the screams from my sisters as they ran to get bandages and help me. I wouldn't have had to see them suffer.

I watched the medic leave once more, just Al and I left there, the horror of silence. I scanned the room for anything, something to distract myself. I wanted to fall away and be left as nothing, this was the last time I truly wanted to be left alone.

Whilst scanning the room I caught Al's stare, my eyes fixated on his. It was the most awkward yet comforting moment in my life. His eyes showed me he was worried, he wanted to get me help.

'Winry's a really good mechanic so I'm sure she'll fix you up really well.' He was trying to fill the awkward silence, his gaze still fixated on mine.

'Oh, ok. I... Never mind,' Still staring, right into my soul, scraping out any humanity I had left.

'No, what is it.' I finally had to blink, my stare left his. I now looked down at my hand, shaking faster then I thought was possible, my wrapped wrist throbbed, not in pain but in fear.

'I was... I was going to say that... I... I just.. I can't be fixed...' My words trailed off into the emptiness of the room, nothing to absorb them so they floated around allowing everyone to hear those words. Those stupid words.

'Uh. I... I'm sure she... I... I don't...' His words jumbled in desperation. Trying his best to comfort me. It was almost... cute.

'I'm sorry. I made this weird, didn't I?' I knew I did. I confused and shocked him, it was the last thing he'd thought I would say.

'Hey, don't apologise. It's good to speak your mind, ya know, I also wanted to ask you something, without Ed.' I'd never felt the way I did then, my eyes wide, throat numb and dry. Physically incapable to speak. My body forcing my head to nod. It was the feeling of losing control, humanity slipping even further away.

'Your.. Umm... Husband, he called you a monster. What did he mean? You seem nice and all but when he said that it seemed like it had hit you hard.' He wasn't wrong. Monster, it's the perfect word to describe me, it's not human.

'I am good for nothing. At least if I was a monster I could fight for myself, I know it sounds weird but, I don't know if you could call me human anymore. Any capacity I had for care or compassion is gone. Also, he's not my husband, never was and never will be, but I never said thank you, for saving me.' I never thought I could feel. I had numbed everything, all except for sadness and anger. I lost sadness after finding out about Hughes. All I could do was feel nothing or feel pure rage, just like a monster.

'You're human, you were injured by him so you were at a disadvantage. You tried to fight back even at you're weakest, if that's good-for-nothing then I'm completely useless. Uh I mean, you're more human then me and I'm in armour. You... You can.. I, I promise that you'll feel like that again if it's the last thing I do!' I felt numb again, someone could tell me this without even knowing about me. Someone like this should be awarded for their kindness.

'Never say that again.' I lost control. I was battling to speak, to move, to breathe. I had lost the will to fend for myself. I was like a doll, you know, one of those dolls that's programmed to say certain things, never in control of themselves.

'Uh. I'm sorry you said you were... and I...I-' I won, I was in control, for now.

'I didn't mean it like that. Never say you're not human. A soul makes you human not the body you're put in.' I couldn't just roll over and let them win. I wanted Al to know he's human, he will always be human.

'Oh, thanks. You and Ed really are alike. You're both kind and caring, but put up a good fight.' I was kind, and caring. Something as small as that made my body feel again. I had something left of myself.

'You'll have to fight me to see who's stronger though. Winry will be on her way soon. You're lucky she was just about to go to the station.' I wanted to be left with Al, just a little longer. I'm glad Ed was here though, after all he saved my life.

'Hey brother, (y/n) can leave when Winry fixes at least her shoulder.' Al won't let me leave without fixing the one thing I could have to stay for, it's nice to feel cared for after so long.

'Roy's a bit upset cos of you. I never knew the guy could care about someone like this, like a daughter. He's pissed to say the least. If he ever sees the guy that put you in here Roy'll end up in prison in a matter of seconds. So, what have you guys been talking about?' Roy cared like that? I knew I had a bond with him but I guess I had forgot it was a bond like that. I guess I'd forgot I could make a bond like that.

'Not much. So how long do you think Winry will be?' He doesn't want to talk about it, or maybe he thinks I care if he talks about it. Either way it's cute.

'She had to go back and get some stuff, so I would say a few more minutes.' I could see in Ed's eyes that he knew that Al didn't want to talk about it, it was a brotherly bond, something I always wanted...

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End of Chapter 7 (sorry you've been in hospital for the last 5 chapters)