My Past (Alphonse X reader)

Alive

My body jolted forward, hair immediately going into my face destroying my view of them.

'Hey (y/n),' Ed's voice was bright, 'long time no see!'

After removing the hair from my face, I clasped my hand firmly over my mouth, tears attempting to escape, but I kept blinking them away.

'Don't be like that,' Al joined the conversation, my head swung around to see him, 'it's meant to be happy.'

I'm happy, the happiest I've ever been. Al had matured a little somehow, so had Ed. They seemed different, as if I was meeting an old friend from decades ago, but reality only made it a few months.

'Hi.' My words were choked and forced out. Almost as if I didn't want to say them at all, even though I truely did.

'Haha there we go,' Roy stood back observing, only joining for key parts of the conversation, 'now how about a smile. You broke the promise of crying so it's the least you can do.'

He wore a smile of relief. Roy hoped that this would stop the horrors of taking care of me, maybe this would stop the tears, the nightmares, the fear, doctors visits, the psychologist and maybe even the days of sadness. It couldn't. Nothing could. All that I had left of my memories were burned into me, each frightful encounter, each painful day, each horrible day, nights of suffering. I am broken.

'Sorry.' Small words seeped out of my mouth as it curved into a smile, ' I missed you guys'

I stared deeply at them, it didn't feel real. I needed to touch them, tell them, hear them, I needed it all as greedy as that seems.

'We missed you too,' Al's eyes presented a smile to me, 'you should come with us some time!'

Ed and Roy's breath hitched slightly before returning to normal.

'That's a good idea,' the one person I thought would never say it, Roy. 'I need a break.'

I cracked an apologetic smile, he had final said what I thought.

'Why not! It could be fun,' Ed smiled broadly at me. I never even thought about it, I barely thought at all.

'Sure!' I wanted to, I wanted to leave, see them constantly, hear them. I knew they were suffering in silence. 'I'd love too.'

We all laughed a bit, caught up. At least an hour had past, but Ed was getting impatient. It's like how it'd always been, Ed wanted to get back Al's body as soon as possible. Something in him stopped him from rushing though, he was interested by Al in this situation. Al wasn't normal. Something picked at his brain, his eyes never leaving me.

'(Y/n), I need to ask,' Al's voice soft and controlled, it struck fear into me, 'what did Roy mean when he needed a break from you? It at first seemed like a joke but, then I saw your face. You seemed upset.'

Roy looked over into my eyes, he hadn't realised the toll that statement left on me.

'I'm not easy to live with,' I couldn't look at them, 'especially not now. Something just isn't right, my head's in a weird place right now. That's it.'

I snapped my last words. I saw how it shocked all of them. I sounded harsh and uncomfortable.

'(Y/n), that's not it,' Roy wanted to dig deeper. He didn't care if I cried anymore, he knew I would anyway, he thought it may help. I would never blame him for it.

'Hey calm down,' Ed piped in, he seemed mad. 'She doesn't need to say anything she doesn't want to.'

Ed had felt the same it one point. I knew how hard it was to say the bad things, how hard it is to open up. That's why he did human transmutation, he did it so he wouldn't have to tell anyone about what he was going through or maybe it was just the overwhelming pain of losing his mother.

'Ed,' Roy paced himself, his body tense as someone was drawing the last amount of effort he had,'I want to know myself too. It'll be hard for her to say it but at least she will. Maybe it'll get better if you say it so please just try.'

He was begging me. His arms hanging limply by his side. I wore him thin at this point. His eyes pleading with me.

'I'm sorry. I never knew I stressed you out like this.' I saw how his eyes dulled from sleep deprivation, but he still got up every day. He still cared, he still smiled, laughed, even when I looked blankly back, never smiling. 'I'm just struggling a little, that's all.'

They all stared back, unable to figure out what was happening. Al's arm slipped around my shoulders holding me close.

'We all struggle a little,' Al's voice soft in my ears,'it's what you're struggling with that we can help with. We'll try to help if we can.'

I felt my body sink into his grasp,warmth flowing through me, a comfort long forgotten.

'I.' I paused a bit unable to form the words I wanted, unable to control myself. 'I'm alive.'

I was clutching Al tightly, forcing out the only words I could. I felt his eyes stare into the top of my head, his hands slowly pulling me closer. On the other hand, Roy and Ed looked back in curiosity, Roy's eyes glinting with fear.

'Of course you're alive,' Ed's eyes left my body and turned towards Roy, 'is there a reason she wouldn't be?'

'(Y/n), what do you mean?' Roy's body had tensed up, his breathing slowed as he composed himself, 'what happened?'

'It's just the nightmare,' my lips formed the words, but each sound came out broken as my breathing got caught in the back of my throat. 'I can't stop it. I feels like I'm seeing the Truth again. Forcing me to see everything, but it's impossible to keep it all. I forget why I'm like this, my body, my head, my personality and am left with this. I don't even remember my siblings.'

Ed and Al stared at me, Al's embrace locked around me. Roy stared at me, not like the others, he stared in confusion, horror, fear.

'(Y/n).' Roy looked down at his shoes, 'you didn't have siblings. We looked everywhere the day we first got you and there was no one else. Only photos with you and your family.'

I could only stare back. It was my fault after all' it was my fault he's gone, I couldn't save my brother, that's why I can't remember him.

Right?...

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End of Chapter 14. (Ok I expected zero reads. Thx so much!)