My Past (Alphonse X reader)

Alone

'I do!' I pushed Al's arms off me. 'I'm sure! I have to, it's my fault.'

The words I spoke slowly faded out. A shudder flowed through my body as I felt the cold embrace of air contrasting the warmth of Al's arms.

'(Y/n), what's your fault.' Roy spoke seriously. He needed to know, he wasn't asking, it was a demand. 'That's an order.'

I felt a hand tangle into my fingers, slowly stoking the back of my hand. A warm comfort that I didn't know I needed.

'He's gone.' Words tumbling from my mouth. I couldn't control it again. 'He was gone before you came, but she was still there.'

The words were my thoughts, things I didn't know. I felt my fingers tingling against my bottom lip as my jaw hung open. My eyes were wide, but all I could see was my hair. The hand squeezed mine tightly.

'What do you mean.' Ed had gone too far in. He had to know now. 'Who.'

'She's still there.' I only spoke to myself. I told myself information that was buried in the darkest corners of my mind. 'She's hurt.'

'Who, (y/n).' Roy's voice brought me back, I stared at him, eyes brimmed with tears and wide open. 'Tell me.'

'Sister.' I still had no control. Even reality gave up on me. 'Brother's gone. Sister's only hurt. We can fix her.'

What could I fix? Who could I fix? How could I fix them? Who are they? Who is speaking to me? Why am I shaking? Why am I afraid of myself?

'What do you mean?' Al's soft voice drew me in. As I spoke the hand we shared separated and I held his body, I felt his heart, even if it was just in my head. 'I'll help you through this. Please.'

'Mama, Papa, they hurt her. Sister's gone. She's forever hurt. She ran away.' Memories filled my head just like the dream.

There I was, the bright darkness. This time an unknown figure comforted me. He bore long blond hair and golden eyes. His face was soft and child like, his heartbeat ringing out. He wore no clothes nor fat or muscle. His hand placed upon my shoulder as he knelt to my level, his head against mine.

'I like you.' I voice I recognised, but I was unable to make out.  Why? 'I won't let the future hurt you.'

His eyes lightly shut, a caring smile danced across his face. I stared as his long hair flowed across my cheeks and face. As his eyes fluttered open he stared back.

'I'll help you through this.' The figure removed his body from mine. His hand outstretched to help my stand. He wanted to lead me to the future. He made it less daunting, it looked, happy? He stared into my soul. A small begging smile appeared on his face. 'Please.'

'Brother's gone.' I snapped back to reality just as I made contact with the figure. My mouth still continuing to speak. 'It's my fault. I should have saved him. I tried my hardest. I really did.'

I spoke as if I was a five year old. I was a kid. That was who was talking to me. It was child me. They knew everything about me. Was that my brother, the figure in the pitch black light? Why would my brother look like that? I remember he looked different, I remember one photo. Something I held onto.

'(Y/n).' Roy sighed drawing me from my thoughts. ' you need some rest. Seeing Ed and Al must have messed with you a bit. You didn't have siblings I promise. If your brother was important enough for you to try to save him there would be photos.'

Al slowly released me. He knew what would happen and couldn't bare for me to rip him off of my body again. A shock of cold hit me as I clenched my teeth.

'I know I'm insane. I know I lost my memories and I know I'm a monster, but I'm not wrong.' I had an unknown sense of strong rage. I didn't know why, but his words were a turning point. ' I lost my memories for him. I was told I couldn't save him.'

I stood up swiftly, slowly walking towards Roy, tears streaked across my face. I lightly hit his chest.

'He was your father,' Roy spoke as if he was an oracle, as if he knew what I was going through, 'he was the one you lost your memories for.'

'I DON'T CARE ABOUT PAPA! HE CAN GO ROT IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE, HE'S NOT EVEN DEAD! I WAS SENT BACK TO HIM, I CAN REMEMBER THAT MUCH!' I grabbed Roy's collar in anger and pushed him against the wall, overcome with overwhelming strength. Roy did nothing, not even flinch. 'I'M BROKEN BECAUSE I COULDN'T SAVE BROTHER! I CAN'T FIX THIS. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME THE WAY I AM WITH ALL THE CRYING AND TERROR I BRING THEN LEAVE ME ALONE! THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS BELIEVE ME! I'M HANGING BY A THREAD AT THIS POINT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M SAYING THIS I... I can't control myself. I can't remember them, but they're real.'

I released Roy as I collapsed on the floor. The door flinging open as I did so.

'Sir is every-' Riza stood, gun drawn.

'Yeah it's a barrel of laughs in here.' Ed awkwardly spoke, scratching his neck. I frantically tried to repress my sobs. 'I know I said I wanted to see (y/n), but I can't stand to see her like this. Any motherly love you got?'

Al sat frozen, Riza's gun quickly slotted back into its holster as she walked over. Her hand made its way to my back, the other grabbed one of my wrists as she removed my hand from my face.

'I don't know what's happening, but I know a hug may help.' Riza had a caring smile plasted on her face as we hugged. 'All I heard you say was that you're broken, I was worried you'd kill Mustang!'

Even at a time like this she made me smile.

Somehow I couldn't shake the feeling of being alone...

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End of Chapter 15 (I hope everyone enjoys this as much as I enjoy writing it! Also 300 reads. My body wasn't prepared for this. I literally am in hospital so I have plenty of time to write!)