My Past (Alphonse X reader)

Liar

I'm alone. Even whilst being hugged by Riza, I'm alone. Even when Al held me, even when Roy comforted me, when Winry helped me, when Ed spoke, Jean's care, Armstrong's happiness. I doesn't matter. I'm alone.

My eyes were red and sore. My chest hurt, each breath wheezing down my dry throat. Looking down through tangled hair, all I saw was a pattern. My leg exposed after collapsing, it wasn't normal, I'm not normal. My staring didn't go unnoticed. Riza placed a hand on my leg, feeling each bump, until she looked at me dead in the eyes.

'You didn't.' So naive once again. I had no clue she meant that, I was too much of a wuss to do that. '(Y/n), please say it's not that bad.'

'It's not my fault.' Once again I cried. Tears fell onto Riza's bare hand. 'I didn't do it to myself.'

'Who.' Not a single second of doubt was shown. Her heartbeat didn't change, nor her breathing, she remained normal. 'It's newer than when I last saw you, but I can't tell how fresh it is.'

'My parents.' How did I know? I don't remember it well enough. I had my memories of it, but I just woke up and saw it one day.

'When.' She knew I was afraid, but she knew how comforted I had been.

'July 27th. Can't remember the year.' I couldn't remember at all. Somehow my mouth was ahead of my mind. 'It was just before I ran away, one or two years ago now.'

Riza looked at me to ask for confirmation that she could look further, my body resisted my urge to push her off and say no, I nodded.

Cautiously she looked at my leg, studying it, all up to the line of my underwear. As soon as she got there I grabbed her wrist and threw it away. I never heard her gasp like she did then. I never thought I could grab her like that, especially after she held me. I thought the same of Roy too. Same with Al. Ed is the only one I haven't thrown off of me in this room.

'It goes up to your back,' Riza spoke in a very matter of fact tone. 'It's either I see it, someone in this room or a doctor. No other choices.'

The motherly effect wore off in a second. She had more of an army officer feel, I knew instantly why Roy cared for her so much and why she was so valuable in the military. She had a heart but had courage and strength, Riza had always been with Roy for as long as I can remember.

'I don't have to listen to you.' I never wanted to say anything like this. 'I'm my own person, aren't I? It's not important.'

'It's important for us to learn about you.' Riza always knew an answer. 'Without seeing this we can't understand you. So please just let one of us.'

I looked into her eyes, fear leaving me empty. I knew I should, but I was afraid. I was only an experiment, an experiment that never worked. Born for the sole purpose of being used. I was used and worn out. I ran away only in the good times, no I didn't love Michael, but he never hurt me. He never showed this needy, jealous side until the day I first met Ed and Al.

I turned around, back facing to Riza. We all sat in silence for a short while, all of us quietly assessing the situation.

'I don't care if everyone sees my back.' It's true, it's what's on it that worries me. 'It's something we all have, mines just a bit different.'

Slowly Riza got to my back, staring in horror at the sight before her. A transmutation circle etched into my back, a human transmutation circle. Words scratched in around it, words with horrible meaning, demoralising words, so many words. Some written in different languages. All of them hurtful and carved with spite.

'That's a human transmutation circle.' Ed hadn't spoken in a while. He only mumbled his words, his heart rate suddenly raced, his breath hitched. 'What is this?'

I glanced over at Al, who had been silent for a long time, he just looked at me. He looked as if he knew that it was there, his eyes were unreadable. He would just sit in silence, staring at me. On the other hand Roy just sighed, he sighed with disappointment, as of did this to myself.

'Someone wanted to try another way of human transmutation.' I returned my gaze to my legs. 'I was used twice in human transmutation. The first time I tried to save someone. I lost my memories and my foot, only I survived out of the three of us, my sister died after bleeding out. Papa thought I was special since I survived, he wanted to try again in a different way so he carved it into me. He drew one on the ground too and I just sat in the middle. I had no clue what I was doing.'

They must have felt betrayed. I told them I only did it once and never on my terms. I had lied to them, straight to there faces all because I feared they'd hate me. I had no sadness left, I thought I lost it before, but now I drained the very last drop.

'(Y/n),' that second, when I heard Al's voice, my head swung round to meet his gaze. I fixed my clothes and began to walk to him, Roy and Riza standing in shock. Al just stared, 'you could have told us. It's not like you didn't lose as much as we did. You lost two people and a foot and memories. I only lost my body and Ed lost his arm and leg. It seems your memory is coming back though, which is odd, if you tell us all of it we can help.'

Ed looked directly at Al, his gaze focused strongly on his brother. Al still stared back into my eyes, the words he spoke were filled with love and caring, he gave me a feeling I didn't know how to describe, it was like I truly felt comfortable with him. I felt I could say the worst to him, but he would still stand by me and put me back in place. I didn't feel alone with him.

He stood up, Ed still staring, and hugged me. Now my breath jolted from my throat. At first it felt forced and weird, but soon all I could do was lay my head on him and hold him close.

I love Al. Ed, Roy, Riza, Jean, Armstrong, all of them. Somehow, I thought I loved Al in a different way.

Like a brother that's exactly what I thought...

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End of Chapter 16 (so glad people want me to write more!! I'll try my best to post often, but most of my chapters are more than 1000 words so they take a while! Thx for reading <3)