My Past (Alphonse X reader)

What do I do?

I looked at them, tears streaming down my cheeks.

'So you'll shoot me down, but still you fight for a liar.' I gritted my teeth, standing swiftly to grab a gun off one of the soldiers, death not even phasing me. 'YOU'LL KILL FOR NO REASON?'

A kick and he was down, his gun landing in my hand. I held it down, pointing to the floor. I looked at each soldier. Their breath was hitching, some contained tears in their eyes, their heart rates faster then mine was at the time. Their hands were shaking uncontrollably.

'Why are you afraid?' I was full on crying then, my body shaking too. 'I don't want to kill anyone.'

'We were told by our general that you were a (l/n),' The soldier with the most calmness spoke. 'We'd get a lot of money to bring you home.'

Home. That torturous place. Not a single fibre of my being was calm or happy or sad. I pulsed with anger.

'YOU WANT TO TAKE ME HOME?!' I shouted as loud as possible, the gun pointed at the soldiers and theirs pointed back at me. 'YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHY I LEFT AND NO ONE CARES! WHY WOULD I RUNAWAY COUNTLESS TIMES HUH! EVER THINK ABOUT THAT?'

'We don't want to shoot ma'am.' I stared back, the anger forcing out tears. 'But your parents don't mind if we bring you home dead you know.'

I dropped the gun and fell to my knees. I collapsed lying face down in the dirt. My whole body was numb, I couldn't even see. Hands began to cuff me, the only reason I know this is because they moved me to do so. I was placed on my knees, a paralysis of terror rang through me.

'Why?' I asked it over and over again, quietly. 'Why? Why? Why?! WHY? WHY?!'

I screamed at them as my feet dragged alongside theirs. They were taking me somewhere.

'Shut up.' All of the soldiers found this confidence they didn't have before.

They acted as if they'd truly caught me, I could've escaped if I wasn't so tired. Roy didn't need me to help him fight, I was expendable. Somehow I wanted to fight, I couldn't bare having to go home. They already were dragging me so I lifted my feet, kicking both the soldiers beside me. They both fell to the ground, while I was able to start running.

The momentum of my top half leaning forward threatening me to collapse made me run faster than before. Yet again I couldn't keep running, but my legs had a different idea. More soldiers watched me in awe as I ran as fast as I could past them. Where was I going? Not even I knew at the time. Until I made in. My surroundings were drained of colour, my hands still behind my back, chained in flimsy cuffs. I collapsed onto my knees, tears pouring from my eyes, a steady stream of emotion. I thought back to when I hurt the soldier in central, the one I'd deceived so easily into lowering his gun. I thought back to when I first met Ed and Al, how a ruthlessly assaulted Michael, watched as his bones snapped, the noise only fuelling my anger.

'What do I do?' I spoke quietly to myself, my tears sinking into the soil below. 'Tell me what to do.'

I spoke half heartedly, knowing in my heart I wouldn't get a reply, but somehow expecting one. I wanted some sort of validation I wasn't insane, I wasn't turning into the monster I thought I was. I was. I had no remorse. I could hurt anyone around me only to think of their feelings after doing so. Jean had been paralysed and of course I had seen him after and it hurt me to see him like that, but somehow I was ok to do that to other people. I was able to inflict the fear I ran away from, yet I was told I was the most human.

'Please.' I hung my head down, my tears drawing out the last of my energy. 'I can't do this anymore.'

I began to speak. Rambling on about stupid stuff seemed to help. I spoke about everything I could think of, I knew I'd be caught soon. I wanted him to know everything. He was there, just listening. I could feel the earth shake with footsteps and bombs, it didn't even matter to me. They weren't close yet, they would find me eventually.

'I'm sorry.' I choked out my final words as the tears and sobbing overwhelmed me. 'I wish it wasn't you that had to die! I wish it was me, I'm so useless. I can't do it anymore, I couldn't even obey Roy's simple request for me to stay inside. I'm so sorry. Gracia and Elicia are doing well, I saw them the other day. Elicia talks highly of you, she mentioned that you were the best dad ever. She said she'd see you again. Garcia had a hard time listening to that, she's a really good one, I'm glad you married her. Thank you. You gave me the courage to run away, you made me able to have a place to stay when I got here. I'm so sorry I couldn't repay you.'

I looked up at the monotone sky, hoping that when I looked back Hughes would be standing there to give me a hug. Silence was only there for a second. My sobs grew louder after he didn't reply. I felt cold creep in around me. I felt alone and afraid. Hughes was the only one who I could've gone to, I told him everything. It wasn't that I was uncomfortable with everyone else, I just felt more comfortable with him. I looked into the tombstone, reading the words properly for once. I shook as I read he words, sadness overflowed.

'Found you.' I heard the gun as a soldier pointed it to my head. 'Keep still or I'll shoot.'

I stayed still...

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End of Chapter 32
(IM SO SORRY!!!!! I'm a horrible human being. I wasn't able to touch this story for a while and it reached 1k reads. Seriously. I'm as shocked as you are. I realllly apologise for not posting for a few weeks! Hope this chapter was ok!)

(This has nothing to do with this chapter but oh well. I'm running out of quotes and storage. Also did anyone read the last chapter of Fairy Tail T-T)