My Past (Alphonse X reader)

Hope

'I don't want to be rude but a break isn't worth even the slightest chance my friends would die.' I kept the weak smile on my face. 'I couldn't stand to lose them.'

'I'm your friend aren't I?' I looked at Jean with a face that spelt out "of course". 'Don't look at me like that. What I mean is that I couldn't bare to lose you. I know it worries you, but you're lucky you bumped into an old pal. They would've shot you dead if you weren't.'

'Jean.' I gathered my thoughts, plopping myself  onto the floor. 'What do you do when you're afraid of losing someone?'

'I hope to whatever's out there that they're safe.' I knew he was holding back what he really thought. 'Hope is a valuable thing.'

'What do you do when you lose all hope?' I looked down, tears messing with my sight. 'How can you hope if you don't know how?'

'You have hope.' He spoke in a very matter of fact tone, he didn't believe me. 'Don't try and trick me so I'll let you out.'

'I'm not tricking you. I lost hope after every beating I took. How to you hope to the thing out there when you can't trust it, after it's brought down all its wrath on you?' I looked straight at him, Jean noticed my tears instantly. He rolled over carefully in his wheelchair, ruffling my hair in an attempt to make me smile. 'After being thrown, sliced and hit countless times hope becomes your enemy, it just makes you depressed to hope when nothing happens. The only time I've stayed happy this long was because of my doing, I ran away!'

'How did you know where to run to?' He stopped stroking my hair and leant a hand to help me up. 'That hope you let out brought Mustang and Hughes to you. It brought Armstrong and I. You hoped someone would save you and in the end they did. Didn't Ed and Al save you on your first day here? You wished for someone to save you, I know it. There's your hope. It's embedded within you, you can't get rid of it.'

I stood next to Jean's wheelchair, hope had paralysed him yet he still kept it close. He was so small in comparison to me standing.

'Didn't hope put you in a wheelchair?' I spoke softly. 'Hope isn't enough.'

'Yeah hope isn't enough. You need the will to do something, but hope makes it all happen.' He grabbed my hand. 'Hope kept me alive. So what I'm stuck in a wheelchair. I'm able to help in my own way. You heard before that I was on the phone with Mustang, I supplied weapons for him. I'm still able to help and so are you, conflict isn't the only way. Now go get some rest, without it you're completely useless.'

'I can't rest now.' Jean rolled his eyes sarcastically, I couldn't help but laugh. 'I'm staying, I won't go out and fight in this war.'

'When did I say you couldn't fight at all?' He smirked at me. 'Ever use a gun before?'

'Jean!' I squealed a bit in excitement, hugging him to the point his wheelchair nearly fell over.'No I haven't used a gun, I watched Riza a lot though so I know the basic stuff.'

'I want you to know how to use it first. I couldn't imagine an innocent kid like you taking lives.' He smirked to me, scrambling under his desk to pull out a small handgun. 'Use it more as a scare tactic if needed. Aim for shoulders, feet and hands. Hitting a hand would do most damage though and would be hard to aim for. Mostly aim for feet and shoulders since they will damage the target but not kill them.'

Jean showed me how to hold the gun and aim, he placed it in my hands as he watched me do the same.

'You'll need spare bullets too. Here' he tossed a belt with a bag. 'Tie it round your waist and put some bullets in the pouch.'

Jean handed me at least fifty extra bullets before he wheeled off somewhere. I waited a few minutes, practicing aiming the gun at various things. After a while he came back with various boxes, glasses and other miscellaneous objects. He placed them in an area, setting up a practice shooting range.

'Pass the gun.' I did as instructed. 'So the gun will recoil slightly with each shot, you need to learn to handle this. Your target won't be still most of the time either. Here try shooting that bottle.'

I took a few seconds to aim and fire. I hit the bottle right in the middle.

'Woo Yeah!' I felt victorious. 'Not bad for my first shot.'

'You're a natural!' He patted me on the back. 'Now let's get to the hard stuff. Your targets are moving and they won't give you the time to aim before shooting you.'

'I think she'll be fine.' Rick, the soldier from before, spoke. 'She grabbed the gun off one of my men in seconds, she aimed it at us. Even I was too scared to move!'

'Nice one!' He high fived me, giving me a sense of relief. 'The only problem with that is if they shoot back, don't do that in groups again (y/n). Next time let them take you, they thin out eventually leaving you with only two of them. That's when you strike. Most of them carry their gun on their right side for easy drawing access. You'll have to conceal your gun so it might be too fishy to take it out.'

'I'll make sure to judge the situation.' I felt like I was a soldier taking commands. 'I'm not an idiot.'

'That last bit is debatable.' He looked away jokingly as I punched him softly. 'Try to aim and shoot in under a second. Just like you've seen Riza do.'

I aimed and fired...

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End of Chapter 35
(Hope this chapter wasn't too boring! I wanted to make sure Jean got more love.)