My Past (Alphonse X reader)

Lost

I was grabbed harshly by two soldier. They had lost all care for me, violently yanking me up as my head stayed down. I couldn't look up, my whole body was limp. Suddenly a hand grabbed my chin forcing me to face the soldier who had spoken before.

'Don't look so good now do you.' I SAW as he peered behind me to the grave. 'Came to destroy the grave did you? Hughes wouldn't have cared for a monster like you.'

Monster, that word finally came back.

'You don't know Hughes then.' I looked into the man's eyes, mine now lit like flames. 'And you have no clue about me.'

My face became hot with pain, he had just slapped me across the face.

'What does a lowlife like you know about Hughes?' He had been filled with rage, he was a monster like me. 'He was a good friend of mine! He died because of those Elrics! Stupid kids like you shouldn't be allowed near the military!'

'Hughes saved me.' I spoke calmly, all of my anger had slipped away. 'He saved me from my family, he kept me safe for months until I was taken from him. I watched him spend hours to try and get me out of that house and into his care. Gracia helped me too, she cared for me like a real mother. They're the only parents that I've had, my biological ones mean nothing.'

There was a brief silence, the soldier dropped my head and spun around. I was being carried away, my feet had also been cuffed this time, though what use was it. I was so worn out and lifeless that I could've been dead.

'I wasted all my energy running there,' I spoke to the soldiers, all of them kept walking but I could tell they were listening, 'I cried so much that my body's weak. I'm sorry that you have to carry me, I'd walk alongside you if I could.'

I felt them gasp a bit, I could barely hear my own words over the sound of my heart pounding. They were all confused at what I had said.

'I know I'm a burden. Wouldn't it be easier to just kill me?' I watched as the floor moved below me. 'I'm sure no one would blame you if I died. I would finally be out of this world.'

They stopped, the ground came into focus. I watched as a line of ants minded their own business beside us. The ants still remained calm among the chaos around them, they had no care for what we were doing or what was going on around them. I saw a clump of them had been stepped on and killed, the other ants continued on, a few collecting their bodies. I thought about that for what seemed like an eternity. I thought about how the ants act the same as we were acting them. We stepped over the bodies of the fallen to take more lives, none of us fulling susceptible to the horrible losses we were facing.

'You want to die?' The soldier spoke, my mind snapped back to reality. 'Do you really think we'd give you that luxury?'

'You don't want to kill me.' I could feel his anger filled gave. 'Looking into the eyes of the ones you kill is horrifying isn't it? Being the last thing they'd ever see seems weird. I wouldn't be able to forget that. I can only guess of course, but Roy and Hughes told me about it. They told me to never become a dog of the military, they wanted to save me from that.'

The area was silent, only the brief sounds of explosions could be heard, I feared for Ed and Al. That fear made me think of Al. Would he care if I died? Of course, but if he was my only reason to live I would have already been dead. I had friends, I was fine, nothing I should have been sad about. My life was fine. I was whining over nothing. I was whining about the emptiness I had, the void I had after a death that happened more than a year ago, the void after my brother was killed and my sister ran away. The void was filled by friends, old and new, so why did death seem better?

'You won't have to look into my eyes as I die.' I kept going on. 'Cuff my hands in front of me and hand me the gun, I can do it myself.'

I had been given a weird confidence, one that shouldn't of existed.

'Shut up.' I felt my heart shatter as the soldier spoke. 'I'm not letting you die for your own petty reasons. I'm guessing you don't remember me. I'm that guard that got his head smashed in cus of you. Remember? The one who tried to save you from that wacko. We were the ones who told you Hughes died, I just wanted to be sure you were the right person. We won't lock you up, just stay safe. Hughes wouldn't want you dead, would he?'

My eyes yet again brimmed with tears. I thought I had cried them out before, but somehow there were more. I felt his warm smile, he lived.

'Thank you.' My tears stopped, my eyes fought to stay open. 'I'm weak, you saved me.'

'You're not weak.' He talked to me as we resumed walking. 'You're stupid. Hughes won't want you back home, I won't send you. I'm being real merciful so don't go and get yourself killed. Didn't expect you were a (l/n) though. Your family sure has made a reputation for themselves. Oh, I almost forgot, because of the concussion I got saving you, that your sister was in Central a few months before you. She left on a train after asking if you were ok since she had accidentally let her name slip. She's alive. She wouldn't want you dead either.'

'She's alive?' Hope filled me as the consciousness left. 'Thank you for-'

With that I passed out...

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End of Chapter 33
(Hope you're enjoying the story. I said before that I'll rewatch the last few episodes to get the best story, but I've been kinda busy so I hope that I can make up for it. Thanks so much for reading!)

(I had to use this quote at some point. I love it soooooo much!!)