My Past (Alphonse X reader)

What have I Become?

I am a monster. The relentless assault I put him through, he breathing hitching as I threw wall after wall of rocks from transmutations. I wasn't human, no normal person could do that to someone, watch them suffer and be, glad? I could no longer hear anyone, I was staring straight at Jean, his eyes wide and frightened, his heart rate going up. My body shaking, it felt as if my world was crumbling down, but why? What had I done but protect others and myself?

'Hey, (y/n) are you ok?' Alphonse's sweet voice rung through my head. Am I ok? That same thought constantly swirling around my mind, forcing me to doubt myself. But why?

'(Y/n) please! Come on sit down, listen to us!' I could only hear Alphonse's voice, was it because he was the only one speaking, no, was it because he was the loudest, it was the opposite, was it because he was innocent, because he was the only one who hadn't killed someone, or in Ed's case, felt like they did.

'I'm fine,' just a small mumble left my mouth, an insignificant whisper of speech. Al looked at me, his eyes filled with desperation, I could only see him. 'Where is he anyway,' my voice was slow, my teeth were clenched, even so I sounded sorry.

'It doesn't matter as lo-' Jean's words trailed off, Roy interrupted him always knowing what I needed, his feelings were only ever an asset. 'He's in the prison ward down near lab 4, I'll go with you.' Roy's voice was monotone and low.

'I can go alone,' I didn't want to be alone, please don't leave me alone. I left as quick as I could, I didn't want to be told I couldn't go alone or that I shouldn't go at all.

'(Y/n) wait, come on please! It won't make it any better to shout at him! DON'T YOU THINK YOU HURT HIM ENOUGH, HE WON'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU AGAIN! I KNOW I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT YOU BUT HE DOESN'T DESERVE TO GET CLOSE TO YOU, PLEASE!' Please. Ed was begging me, saying that I hurt him enough was true, I overdid it in reality but, he needs to know I overdid it. His voice was echoing down the halls, his footsteps going faster gaining on me, Al's following behind. I was being followed all over again, like I was a toddler running away from my parents.

I stopped, I didn't want to run anymore, I wouldn't run, my body forcing me to stop. '(Y/n), please don't do it, it's not worth your time.' How could I say no, Al didn't want me to do it and neither did Ed but, I just wanted to be alone.

'How is it not worth my time. WHAT DO YOU IDIOTS KNOW THAT I DON'T!' why can't I stop? 'WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME, I NEVER NEEDED YOUR HELP AND I NEVER WILL SO LEAVE ME ALONE!' My mind was screaming at me to stop, I want them to stay, to never leave me, 'DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY I'M GOING THERE? I DON'T WANT TO MAKE AMENDS OR ANYTHING SO JUST GO AWAY! PLEASE JUST... please just, uh I' their eyes were full of shock, I shouted at them like this because I didn't need them, me, the girl they had just saved, the girl they had got an automail mechanic to make me a new hand, foot and shoulder, the girl they stopped from murdering someone, the girl they had saved, I needed them.

'Fine then,' Ed was filling with anger, his eyes were filling with shock, rage and sadness. Al on the other hand was just shocked and sad.

'You don't need us,' Al repeated those horrible words, again and again. He had the same look I promised I wouldn't make him look like again and it'd only been a day, one, single, day.

Roy, Riza and Jean had caught up to us, I was sure they heard everything. Roy wasn't shocked or sad, he was just disappointed, as if I was a child who had just told him that they didn't want to do something. Riza was in pure shock, she had no clue what to say. Finally, Jean, his eyes filled with tears, he was angry but he cared more for what I wanted.

'They saved you, got you to the medic unit, gave you help and support when you needed it and you said that. (Y/n), what-' Riza was right but Roy hated what she said, I don't know why. '(Y/n), you have a right to your opinion but there is no denying that Ed and Al saved you. Don't take your anger out on them.' Why did he still care.

'Shut up, please.' My head hurt, my hands ripping out my hair, I was on my knees, tears streaming from my wide eyes. Why, what have I become? No normal person would be like this.

'(Y/n), please don't cry. I'm begging you. We'll leave you alone, ok? We're just worried that's all,' Al was kneeling down as well, he was cradling my head with one arm and holing my back with the other. I had shouted at such a kind person and I didn't know why.

'Al,' Ed was as shocked as I was, everyone was probably shocked, I couldn't see though, his embrace made it hard to think about anything else.

'Don't leave me,' I was begging now, I whispered this over and over again. I was sorry, I couldn't hold back my mind throwing out words before I could process them.

'Emotions get the best of us, don't they? Don't worry about being left behind, even if me and Ed can't always be there I'm sure Roy, Riza and Jean will. Please just don't cry, it'll be ok' why was Al being so nice, he had no good reason, I was horrible.

'I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I'm a horrible person. I'm so sorry!' He never let me go, I'm sure it had been about five minutes, but it still wasn't long enough, it was never long enough.

'Now you can shut up, don't say stupid things,' he still felt warm, even though he was encased in a suit of armour, his body kept me warm, I wanted to tell him that...
____________________________________
End of Chapter 10 (sorry it's been so long and WHOOOHOOOO 100 VIEWS OR READS OR WHATEVER IT IS!!! Also when I wrote relentless assault I couldn't stop thinking about Final Fantasy 13...)