Rules Were Meant To Be Broken [Completed]

Chapter 19: Revisiting The Past

"I need to clear my mind", I said resting my head on my palms as I sat down and brought my knees up to my face. I'm alone in my house and I miss them. Something about having them both here gave me warm comfort like being around them gave me the feeling of what having an actual family felt like. Something I had been deprived of my whole life. I mean sure I had Nate and we made the best out of everything, but there were things our bond couldn't change or stop. All that abuse both physically and mentally took its toll on both of us.

Nate turned to school and focused on that and completely, ignoring all of us, he worked really hard, graduated early and left to college. For a while I thought he left me and forgot I even existed so I turned to the only other guy I thought I could trust, my now ex-boyfriend.

I thought he cared, I told him everything and he was always there, well now I know he was only there physically, but never really payed attention. His occasional nods and "its okay babe, I'm here for you" responses made me believe he actually cared. Thinking he was my soul mate I gave him my v-card. I thought we were gonna get closer and our bond would strengthen, but I was wrong. The next day he broke up with me and for a while I believed his dumb excuse that he wasn't good enough for me, but after seeing him with between two girls at a dumb party he invited me to I realized it.

He thought I wasn't good enough for him, I was just the beaten down girl with a dark life that she could never escape and hid everything with makeup, always done hair, and the fakest smile imaginable. I was just an investment to him and I had payed off so he was done with me.

A broken heart was what I had and I vowed I would never let that happen to me again. From then on I started using guys as my personal investments. I would use my good looks, that my ex loved, to my advantage to lure in my boy toys. It became a sport of mine and I was the m.v.p. of the game. I even lured the best of players into my trap making me a true player and champ.

I admit that having guys fall for me then breaking their hearts was a really bad way to cope with my life, but at the time it sounded and felt right. Well until something changed it all, my last hookup, his last words echo in my head, "If you hang up, I'll end it all." At the time I thought he was just being dramatic, I even responded, "Go ahead." My last words to him made him do it. My ex had called me up and admitted to truly falling deeply and madly in love with me. I didn't believe him and I should have, he was my first love and now because of me he was dead. I didn't even have the guts to go to his funeral.

The day I finally lost it was when my quote unquote mom told me that the only guy I was ever with killed himself. I could still here her words, "shows how much of a woman you really are" and me practically drinking myself to death that night at the party. Alcohol poisoning mixed with a couple a roofies nearly killed me. Nate was the only one I told them to call and that was only so I could say goodbye and hopefully die. Of course Nate feeling guilty for ditching me and forgetting me he decided to take me in after I sobered up in the hospital. When we went to my parents' house my stuff was already in suitcases out in the driveway. Which were already packed because I was always thinking of leaving or hoping one day I would be sent far away never to return. My day finally came but it's depressing to think I had to practically die for someone to come rescue me.

At least I learned that I have to be my own superman and there is no prince charming or fairytale ending.

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Author's Note:

Hey guys, I know it's really short, but I decided you all deserved to know a little bit about Nicole's dark past and I really enjoyed writing this chapter because I was able to put some of my personal demons into Nicole's venting. Anyways hope you enjoyed :) Vote...Follow... And if you haven't yet done it yet, check out my first book that I recently completed (Yay :D) It's not as long as this one will be but hey it's my first don't hate or judge before you read.