Rules Were Meant To Be Broken [Completed]

Chapter 26: A Toxic Goodbye

"Don't sleep, don't sleep, don't sleep", I repeated in my head as I paced around my room. I even resorted to making messes and cleaning them up just to give myself something to do. Sure there were good nights but I was beginning to see less and less of them. I even dropped out of school and began homeschooling. It all became too much to handle. On top of my messed up face I had a broken heart to mend.

I stared at the calendar on my wall, it had now been 2 months since Ryder left me in that ambulance. I haven't seen him around school, the mall, the park or the beach. Not like I went looking for him or anything like that because that would be weird.

"Nicole why are you up", Nate said walking into my room. Damn should've locked the door.

"You know why", I snapped. He shook his head and grabbed me by the arms and lead me to my bed

"Dont fight it, just sleep. If it happens again I'll be right here to wake you", he said as he tucked me in. I hated sleep, no matter how much I tried there would be days where there was no escape to my nightmares. I was slowly being driven insane, I didn't know what was real anymore. No matter how much sleeping medication I was prescribed. I couldn't sleep, not alone and now my stupid nightmares were keeping two people up. Everyday I felt more like a burden than anything else.

"Nate", I said.

"Hmm", he said half asleep.

"I'm sorry I'm going crazy."

"You're not crazy, just different", he said

"I'm not six, Nate. I know what I am."

"Hush little duck, now sleep", he said petting my hair. He hasn't called me little duck since I was eight and would wake up with nightmares about green and purple monsters with blue polka dots. Now 17, I found out, the hard way, that the worst monsters look like us. That was my last thought as my eyes finally gave in and closed.

"What time is it", I said rubbing my eyes.

"5:30. Congrats you got a whole three hours of sleep", Nate said walking in with a tray of food. New record, nice. I gladly took the food, at least that was the only normal thing about me. Always hungry like any other teen.

"Look, I have to go to work. Will you be okay here, alone?"

"Yes, we go through this every time you leave", I said taking a bite of the French toast. Nate nodded and just like that he left. Alone in this house, what to do.

"You could sleep", my mind suggested. I quickly shook that off and decided to clean. Sadly I was done in an hour. I grabbed my laptop and checked for any online assignments I might have missed. Nope all caught up and even ahead. Maybe it was time to finally go out, Casey has been bugging me for a while. I reached for my phone, but there was a knock on the door. I guess Casey can wait, it was probably Nate who forgot something.

"What did you forget now--" I opened the door and there stood what looked like to be Ryder and all his glory.

"Hey princess", he said innocently. What happened next was very deserving.

"Okay so maybe deserved that", he said rubbing his cheek. I slammed the door in his face before I could slap it once more.

"Okay that too, but just let me explain", I heard him say.

"Go away. You're dead to me Ryder Daniels."

"You and I both know that's lie. Nicole I know what you're going through because I'm living through it too. I can see the dark circles under your eyes. I have them too." Could he really be loosing sleep like me?

"Just one chat, that's all I'm asking for."

"I know I'm going to regret this", I said reluctantly opening the door. He smiled as if I had just opened the gates if heaven as he walked in.

"Are you really loosing sleep over all this", I asked joining him on the couch. He nodded as a yawn escaped.

"What's the worst nightmare you've had so far?"

"Jesus Nicole, why do you want to know that?"

"I just want know if they're as mine."

"They're worse." How could he stay calm through all this. He's the one that asked to talk and I'm the one doing all the talking. He isn't even really answering them, all I'm getting are two syllable answers or a question in return.

"Why the hell are you here", I snapped.

"What kind of question is that?"

"Are here just to see how f*cken broken you left me. You think the day you left me two f*cken months ago is when all those nightmares started, well you wrong. They started the moment Tyler took me. Every night was filled with images of you or Dylan getting hurt. Then I woke up to hell. You think you've had it bad bad boy, think again."

"Yeah well you didn't have to see the only people you care about be taken away."

"You want to play that game with me Ryder. My boyfriend killed himself because of me, try living with that over your head. How about the thought of getting pregnant and having you father throw you down the stairs in another drunken fit causing a miscarriage and your mother there to call you a shell of woman. Oh wait you can't, you're not even a girl."

"I didn't know."

"That's right you didn't because that's not something I tell just anyone. I get you've had it hard but don't push me away. I know what you've gone through, I know what it feels like. Why'd you leave?"

"I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I already did. I'm the reason you almost died", he said in tears.

"I was never near death, if anyone was near death it was you."

"Yeah, I guess you're right", he nodded, "Am I really dead to you?"

"No, unfortunately, you're very much alive."

"Am I still a pain in your ass?"

"Very. Is this what you wanted to talk about", I said crossing my arms.

"No, I didn't really come to talk." I know what that means. He grabbed me like always and kissed me like when we were feuding, except I didn't fight him off. It was just like the last time we kissed. Aggressive. I guess something in me wanted something more, instead of fire and fury I wanted sparks and passion. Something was wrong. As soon as I felt his hands make it's way up my shirt I decided to stop.

"Did you really come just to sleep with me?"

"No, I came because I missed you." His tone was different, no longer sincere. It sounded like his old self, the player side of him.

"Well that's what happens when you don't see a person you care about for two months." I said getting up, I needed him gone.

"Where are you going." He got up standing there looking at me. I opened the front door, he already knew what that meant. I've tormented myself for more than those two months over these stupid feelings and now that I'm slowly killing them, he comes back to resurrect them. Just to what, probably leave again.

"We're done here." I looked down because if I made any eye contact I knew I would just fall back under his spell. He's toxic, this whole relationship is toxic. I see no more good in this.

"You're really going to walk away from this?" He walked up to me, we were so close, practically touching.

"Are you going to let me." I looked up and could see a single tear fall from his face.

"Yeah, this time I am." And just like that he was gone. I closed the door not knowing if I would ever see him again. Part of me hates myself for letting him go, but my brain is saluting me for being strong. Too bad I don't feel strong.

No bad boys. That was one of my rules. I was so stupid to think I could play this game again. I thought I could break one rule and everything would come out perfectly well. I was wrong, rules were never meant to be broken, I know that now.

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A/N: Yupp, you read it right. Nicole has said farewell to her bad boy. I have no idea what to feel. This ending even got to me. I really hope I find enough creative juice to start a sequel. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it. Comment. Vote. Follow. Check out my new stories. -Liz