The King and The Lionheart (Loki fanfic V:1)

Part 22

The only way to express how I felt for him was love, but we never said it. I suppose it was because I was too stupid to think about classifying my feelings and he was too shy. If I had one more day with him knowing what was going to happen I would've said those three words all day long and hold him as though I was never letting go. Our touches were also over too quickly. "I told him 'all good things in moderation'. I'm such an idiot." I think starting to cry once again onto the still damp pillow.

Loki had died yesterday and I've spent all day lying in bed not being able to move. How weak must I be? Loki was always calling me his lion heart, but really I'm broken beyond repair. The only time I plan to get out of bed is tomorrow, his funeral. What a sad funeral it will be, we have nothing to say goodbye to after all.

I hear they're going to invite the whole kingdom, I wonder how many people will spit on his grave for what he's done. I wonder if Odin hadn't tried to keep us from each other, if he would have tried to take over the throne and keep Thor away. I wonder if it was us being kept apart that drove him to his madness, or if it was finding out he was a frost giant, or perhaps that we were on the brink of war. Probably all three.

The day passes and I refuse to eat. I go to the send off tomorrow in clothes that resemble what Loki used to wear, I wear the colors of my dead love. I am given both sympathetic looks and look of disgust. No one misbehaves because Loki was a royal and this means the royal family has attended this... "event".

I'm disgusted by their sympathy, I am not the main point of this time. I do not want to be something that people think is weak enough to need sympathy out of life. I do not want to be looked at, I want to be passed by with no thought, I wish to be invisible.

These days I find myself training more than reading. Every time I sit to try to engage in a book I find myself thinking of Loki and how we use to spend hours in the libraries enjoying each other quiet company. Every time I sit I find my mind wonders to him and I'm not able to focus on anything else. So I train, I find it helps. It gives me an almost mindless task to do and it makes me feel hunger again and forces me to eat.

One day I find the queen standing in the completely empty royal library holding the horned helmet that Loki wore, the one I used to make fun of. I see her looking down at it and holding it gently as if it might crumble beneath her fingers. My shoe scuffs on the floor and she quickly turns to look at me, a tear falling from her damp face. I rush over and embrace her, subtly moving the helmet to the window sill we're next to.

"My son," I hear her whimpering into my shoulder, her whole body shaking with sobs. "My Loki." It's times like this I'm reminded she is not only my queen, but she is a mother and she is more woman than her subjects can see. I thought that my eyes would've dried up and fallen out of my skull by now, but it proves not as they fill once more with tears. It strikes me that I am not the only one who just lost someone vital in my life.

"All-mother," I whisper trying to not let on that I was crying as well, "Loki might not have always done things the right way, but he was doing the best he could to stop unnecessary deaths. He saved lives by doing what he did." I try to believe this but I find myself unsure. I wish I could believe that he did everything out of selfless purposes but I know better. But I will lie to see the woman I consider a mother feel better. We stand there crying and holding onto each other for the longest time. I swear I will never forget this day.

A while after this incident I find myself alone with Odin after a meeting and out of morbid curiosity I ask "What happened the first time you found Loki?"

He slowly looked up at me as if wondering what I could do with this information and reluctantly said "He turned an Asgardian tan, all marking of being a frost giant vanished."

"From the first time he saw you, he wanted your approval," I say slowly and quietly. "He immediately saw you as someone who could care for him and who he could care for," I continue, shaking my head in disgust at the difference between them.

"What else could I have done, I had to end the war somehow," Odin says trying to justify his actions.

"You are my king, you do not have to justify yourself to me. However, he was your son. After the war ended and his 'purpose', as you once so eloquently called it, ended shouldn't you have at least treated him like what you called him?" I say and walk out before I can get into any real trouble.

A week passes and everyone is dining happy to be at peace for now. I'm disgusted by their happiness and find a quiet place to think away from all the happy chatter and tales of "I fought a monster this big". I find myself standing next to Heimdall on the bifrost bridge that now goes to no-where, his silence calms me.

Thor eventually joins us "So Earth is lost to us," He says after a few quiet moments."

"No, there is always hope," Heimdall answers. This brings to mind how Loki and I while looking into books at the library says that there were an innumerable amount of passages to and from realms if one only knows where to look.

"Can you see her?" Thor asks.

"Yes," Heimdall laughs.

"How is she?"

"She searches for you," Heimdall answers making Thor and I to smile.

On earth many months later:

"Dr. Selvig," Nick Fury calls causing the doctor to cease his wondering.

"So you're the man behind all this? It's quite a labyrinth." He says gesturing to the tunnels. "I was thinking 'they're taking me down here to kill me'," He tries at a joke, but sees Fury isn't smiling and the doctor starts to rethink that statement.

"I've been hearing about the New Mexico situation. Your work has impressed a lot of people who are much smarter than I am," Fury replies completely serious.

"I have a lot to work with. The Foster Theory. A gateway to another dimension. It's unprecedented," He says to with Nick Fury just looked at him as if he knew the doctor was wrong. "Isn't it?"

"Legend tell us one thing, history, another. But every now and then we find something that belongs to both," He says opening a case and showing Dr. Selvig a glowing cube.

"What is it?" the doctor asks.

"Power, Doctor," Fury says simply. "If we can figure out how to tap it, maybe unlimited power," Suddenly Loki is standing next to Dr. Selvig, but neither of the men react as if they can't see, hear, or feel him. As if only his consciousness is there.

"Well, I guess that's worth a look," Loki whisper hoarsely as if he's been beaten in ways no one can know.

"Well, I guess that's worth a look," Dr. Selvig echoes smiling at Fury.

A/N:

Wow, over a thousand reads, thank you guys SO MUCH! I honestly was really surprised when I even got on hundred so this mean a lot to me. Btw I know the writing is not the best but this was written about two years ago on word and then I copied and pasted it to here once I decided to post it. So just hang with it because I'd like to believe it gets a lot better.