The King and The Lionheart (Loki fanfic V:1)

Stay Alive Part 1

Present me: I'm going to be leaving in author's notes and whatever because I want to have all that still here for me to look at later.

A/N: For those of you who don''t really care about what happened to Amril in Loki's long absence you can skip to chapter 13, that's when he reappears. No judgement, I know that I've done this to some peoples' stories. You won't be misting so much that you won't be able to understand what's going on.

It's been one month since Loki died. Midgardians would be mourning, they would be crying for their lost love, normal people would be rebuilding themselves. But I'm Asgardian, actually thinking about it now, I'm not. I have no idea what I am, but that's not the point.

The point is that in our society we aren't allowed proper time to grieve, we're all supposed to be stronger than anything anyone can throw at us. These days I feel incomplete and I can't talk to anyone about it, even if it would be socially acceptable, ripping into wounds like that hurts... like hell. I can see his death weighing on everyone in the family I've been welcomed into.

Thor doesn't want to be around others as much as he used to, he prefers to sit on the rainbow bridge. Deep into his own thoughts as he looks into the abyss that his brother fell into. Odin is quieter than usual, he seems more on edge, almost lost in his own thoughts. As much as I hate to admit it, I hope he feels guilty, I want him to feel as bad if not worse than I do. I blame my king for Loki's death.

I try to spend as much time as I feel like I can stand being around Frigga. Her eyes are always filled with tears but she's trying to spend all her time helping those she can. She's keeping the pain at bay by helping everyone in here eyesight.

Every time she sees me coming she asks me if she can help me in any way. I know that she know that just being around her helps me, but I feel the frustration that radiates off of her. She wants to fix things so badly but she can't seem to be able to do anything physically to help us hurt the most by his death.

The sound of my boots echoing across the floors echoes my thudding heart. I reach the dais of the throne and kneel until the All-Father, my king, gives me permission to rise.

"What is it that you wished to talk to me about, Amril?" the king asks.

"All-Father, I wish to go back into the battle field for the foreseeable future," I request.

"If I am going to lose a good adviser I must ask the reason for her wanting to take an absence," he demands showing only a small amount of confusion slip through his otherwise calm countenance.

"I have grown restless and crave battle once more," I say still staring at the floor, allowing the fact that he thinks this isn't going to last long slip by.

I feel the seconds tick by before Odin finally speaks again. "Understandable. However, what is your true reason for wishing to go back into battle?"

I feel his words cut through me and I let out a shaky breath. I lift my head to look at his in the eyes. "I can't be here anymore All-Father," I start out softly but eventually find my voice again and say "I see his ghost everywhere. I need to be somewhere I can't think about such things. I need to be somewhere I have to do what needs to be done without having to think."

His eyes show that he is also missing Loki "I see," he says softer than I've ever heard him. "If you are truly speaking in earnest you will have to train, it has been quite some time since you have been in battle, and there will be a test at the end of your training. To prove that you are in good enough physique to go back into battle. The test will take place in two weeks, if you are not ready by then I will have to assume that you have lost the fire for battle and just wished for a fate similar to his."