Almost, But Not Quite (COMPLETED)

Beginning

#ABNQ Beginning

Alam mo 'yung rule na dapat kapag friends, friends lang? Dapat talaga sinunod ko 'yun.

"It's not you, it's me," Steel said. I almost wanted to hurl at the statement he just gave me.

I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. This felt too raw. He was my first boyfriend. He was the first guy that I risked everything for. Na kahit sinabi ng lahat ng tao sa paligid ko na 'wag, tinuloy ko pa rin. Kasi mahal ko. Tapos ano? Ito lang ang makukuha ko? Iyong walang kwentang reason niya na It's not you, It's me?

"Can't you even come up with a more believable reason?" I asked him, my lips quivering and my tears threatening to fall.

"But it's the truth, Joey. It's me. I'm the problem."

"Ano ba 'yung problema? Baka pwede mong sabihin sa akin para alam ko," sabi ko sa kanya. I sounded like I was begging... maybe I was. I just didn't want us to end this way. This abruptly. Not when he couldn't even give me a good reason why.

"I'm sorry," he said and then left me.

And so I sat there, unable to think about anything.

* * *

Sabi nila, three months rule. Pero bakit nandito si Steele at may pinapakilala na babae sa mga kaibigan namin?

"Guys, meet Andrea," he said. Our friends said hi to Andrea. Ako? Napatigil sa paglalakad. I didn't know what I was supposed to do!

"Hey, you okay?" Psalm asked me.

"Y-yeah," I replied, my eyes still on Steele and his new girlfriend.

"Sure? You look pale, Jo," he said.

I tried to smile, but my smile must have come off horridly dahil mas lalong hindi niya ako tinigilan.

"Are you staying here?" he asked.

"A-ah," I said, internally panicking. I couldn't just go there and meet my ex's new girlfriend! Hindi ko kabisado ang rules, pero alam ko na hindi ko dapat gawin iyon!

"Come on, Steele's introducing his girl," Psalm urged. I stayed at my place. "Is there a problem, Jo?" he asked, sounding worried this time.

"W-wala, noh," I said and then started to walk. My mind was telling me to be strong. Two months na kaming break ni Steele. Two months na akong umiiyak. Two months na akong nagpapanggap na okay sa harap ng mga kaibigan namin. Two months na akong parang tanga habang nakikinig sa mga kwento nila tungkol kay Steele. And it hurt even more dahil ni hindi ko masabi na 'wag na silang magkwento. Dahil sino ba ang tanga na pumayag na maging secret on?

Bakit ba hindi ako nakinig sa mga kaibigan ko nang sinabi nila na maling idea ang gawing boyfriend ang kaibigan? Lalo na at nasa iisang barkada kami?

Ni wala akong support group nang maghiwalay kami! Mag-isa kong iniyak lahat! Mag-isa kong inubos ang lahat ng ice cream!

"Then let's go," Psalm said and then draped his arm over my shoulders. Diretso kaming naglakad hanggang sa makarating kami sa table. Nag-uusap si Steele pati ang mga kaibigan namin. Their laughter sounded like dying whale sound in my ears.

"Is this the girl?" Psalm asked nang makarating kami.

"Yeah," Steele said, his stupid face smiling. Nawala ang ngiti niya nang makita niya ako. "Joey," he said.

"Girlfriend mo?" tanong ko at saka tinignan iyong Andrea na kausap si Mich.

"Can we talk outside?" tanong ni Steele. Nauna akong lumabas at saka sumunod si Steele. I stared at him. "I'm sorry, Joey. I didn't know you'd be here," he apologetically said na parang iyon ang dapat niyang ipagsorry.

"Why? Kasi akala mo nasa bahay pa rin ako at nagmumukmok dahil sa 'yo?" I bravely said.

Natigilan siya. "I'm sorry," he repeated like those words still meant something.

"Ni hindi man lang umabot ng three months, Steele? May bagong girlfriend ka na agad?"

Hindi siya makasagot. Couldn't he even feed me one more lie para gumaan ang sarili ko?

I started laughing. Nakakaawa ang sarili ko. Ako, umiiyak dahil sa kanya... tapos siya, may bago na agad. Bakit ba ang dali para sa kanya na palitan ako? Pagkatapos ng lahat? I lied to our friends because of him! I let him keep me a secret! Tapos ipaparada niya iyong bago niyang babae?!

God, I wanted to stab his stupid face and feed it to the dogs!

"I'm so sorry, Joey. Aalis na kami ni Andrea."

Yeah. Like that would make me feel better.

"Minahal mo man lang ba ako, Steele?" I asked him before he got away from me again.

"Yes."

"Pero hindi sapat para ipakilala mo ako bilang girlfriend?"

I sat there and waited for an answer... but I got none. Sabi nila, silence means yes... pero pwede bang kahit ngayon lang, maging silence means no?