Almost, But Not Quite (COMPLETED)

Chapter 63

#ABNQ63 Chapter 63

My eyes were glued at him. Hindi ako maka-galaw. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. A part of me was convinced that this was my mind playing a trick on me—that I was just imagining Psalm standing in front of me... But I wasn't dreaming. He really was here.

"I want to talk," he said.

"Okay," I answered. My eyes were still on him, afraid to blink because of the possibility that he might just disappear. Ang tagal kong pinangarap na makausap siya... Na makausap siya ng walang galit sa mga mata niya. I didn't think it was possible until now. Until it was finally happening.

I started to walk towards him, but Marcus held my hand. I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.

"Let go," I said.

"Joey," he pleaded.

I looked at him as I peeled his hold on me. "Let go," I repeated. I gritted my teeth as I looked at him. "Give it up," I continued as I finally managed to get his grip off me.

Ibinalik ko ang tingin ko kay Psalm. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Nanatili lang akong naka-tingin sa kanya, hindi alam ang gagawin o sasabihin. Ang tanging alam ko lang ay kung gaano ako kasaya na nandito siya sa harap ko... Na gusto niya akong kausapin... Na gusto niya akong pakinggan...

That's all I ever really wanted.

"W-where do you want to talk?" I asked him. Nakita ko na kay Marcus siya naka-tingin. I couldn't read his eyes—I couldn't say what he was feeling. It was all a blur now compared to before. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang nararamdaman niya o kung ano ang iniisip niya—he's like a stranger right now.

"Iwanan mo muna kami, please," nagmamakaawa na sabi ko kay Marcus. Tahimik akong nanalangin na sana ay pakinggan niya ako. Sana ay iwanan niya kaming dalawa ni Psalm para mag-usap. "Please, Marcus," dagdag ko nang hindi pa rin siya gumagalaw sa kinatatayuan niya.

I was praying, still praying that he'd give me this, when finally, he started walking away. Wala siyang sinabi; tahimik lamang niya kaming iniwang dalawa. Nanatili pa rin ang mga mata ni Psalm sa kanya na para bang binibilang niya ang bawat hakbang palayo ni Marcus. Nanatili pa rin ang mga mata ko sa kanya na para bang natatakot ako na baka bigla na lamang siyang mawala.

We both have our fears that we could never really get rid off, that much I finally understood. That there are just some things that we could never really conquer. And that's fine. That makes us humans.

It felt like hours. It felt like hours as I waited for him to say something, just anything. Tahimik akong naka-tingin sa kanya. The airport was busy with all the people walking, but my attention was only on him. I was waiting for the smallest movement from him.

"Why?" he asked. My lips parted. "Why did you do that, Joey?"

The tone of his voice was throwing me off. His stares were causing me searing pain in my chest. I knew the answer to his question, but I didn't know the right words... Natatakot ako na baka magkamali ako. Na baka maling mga salita ang mapili ko.

Natatakot ako na masaktan ko siyang muli.

God, if only I could take his pain away, I would. Kung pwede lang na ako na lang ang masaktan, aakuin ko lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ni Psalm... But I knew I couldn't do that. The best that I could do was to not cause him any more hurt. And that was what I was trying to do, trying to choose the right words, so that I wouldn't hurt him anymore.

"I..." I trailed. I was still stumbling to find the right words. "I don't know how to answer without hurting you again."

His eyes were on me. I wanted to come near him and touch his face like I used to do before. But I knew I couldn't do that anymore. He's already got someone else in his life... And I wished that she wouldn't do the same mistake that I did.