RANTS AND MY THOUGHTS

Random Thoughts

Yup. I stayed up a little late. And I'm gonna regret it tomorrow I bet. It's about 2:30AM.

I've spent most of my last few hours watching YouTube and feeling a little empty. Eh. I might just be tired. Today was a boring day. There wasn't much to do and my parents left the house for a while with my sister so I had to watch my brothers and do some chores. I ended up looking at klance fanart and playing FeeDog till I got to stage 109. I tried to draw a bit while listening to music but I wasn't very inspired.

After dinner, I got bored enough that I painted all over my arm, making it look like Shiro's Galra arm. Yea. Nothing all that fun happened today so I feel and felt depressed. I wish I was like other kids and was able to do more fun stuff more often but my family's money situation is bad, I have too many siblings, and no one invites me to do stuff very often. Almost never. I think going to the carnival with Josh was the first person to invite me to do anything in such a long time. I mean, sure I hang out with Alyssa sometimes but I have to ask her to hang out, she doesn't exactly invite me to hang out. That's about it.

When I bring this up with some kids at school, they always wonder what I do to take up time. Honestly, I tend to just sit in my room and draw, listen to music, watch youtube, or stare at something for five hours till I have to take a shower. I also try to make things interesting by coming up with a conspiracy theory or I look up at the sky through the window and imagine scenarios I could be in since I can't actually do anything. I never really have homework, I finish it in class, and reading isn't my thing I guess. I can never find books that actually keep me interested and when I'm not interested, I tend to not understand the words on the pages. My life can be pretty boring and I feel like I'm in a prison half the time. That's why I'm so ready to finally get to school and hate leaving school. I know that I have to go back to my cage and just sit there. I could go hang out with my family but I get teased enough as it is outside of my home, I don't need to go talk to them so they can act surprised that I'm socializing.

Truth be told, I was never really able to do fun stuff. When I was younger, my parents didn't let me go to my friends' houses very often and I never did anything other than play in my room or watch a movie. My mom even admits that my siblings and I don't do much outside of our house. This is probably why I have bad social skills, I don't interact with too many people outside of school other than my family who even then feel a bit distant.

As I grew older, I slowly became more and more distant from everyone. Even myself for a while. I still really can't define my own personality and I have no idea of what I'm supposed to do with my life. Eh I'll probably figure it out. It doesn't help that people keep trying to dictate who I am though. That I can try to fight against I guess.

I think I'm gonna go to sleep. Goodnight and toodles 🤠🤠