RANTS AND MY THOUGHTS

fucking hell

so uhhh, guess what yall..

im in my math class, not doing work or paying any attention but whatever. anyways, during lunch i lost it👌👌im literally DONE yknow???? i don't give a fuck if (oh shit she's gonna say names!) alexa or ianna see this. i have no patience to reword shit. basically so i can be pretty opinionated and charging but uhhhh at least i try to understand different angles and won't be too stubborn about them. ianna however... lmao shit...now i know why a few people hate them. ianna is so.....ignorant? and one-sided??? and alexa is just....idk...it doesn't feel right.

you see, ianna believes if you aren't lgbt...you aren't allowed to have an opinion, this idea is spread out throughout all of minority issues. i mean, i can't disagree with something because im white. i can't  have opinions on shit because im "privileged" n shit. like sorry but not all white people have good lives and a lot of them may have to work just as hard as a poc to be successful. not to bring myself into this, but my family is in poverty and i have really awful things nagging me and bringing me down, making it really fucking hard to live comfortably. my mom's a hoarder and is kind of insensitive. my parents and grandparents expect way too fucking much from me. but that's not an issue i guess- definitely not an issue. there is privilege that comes with race, sexuality, and sometimes gender...but that doesn't mean that in other areas, there isn't a struggle.

i have dysphoria/dysmophia (idk what to call it yet, all i know is that im struggling with identity, im bisexual, and biologically a woman. I definitely have shit to complain about. but i don't condone using oppression as an opportunity to demonize people JUST for not being a minority. cis people aren't transphobic cunts or perfect. straight people aren't hetero trash who put down sex sex attraction. men aren't all full of toxic masculinity and won't rape you just cause youre a girl. white people aren't all ignorant and racist.<- all that i just listed aren't capable of avoiding stuggles either. they can be educated on these issues and still have an opinion- they're opinions should be wanted so that tables don't just flop over and reverse roles. i mean seriously, these things could have been the opposite, where poc had control over segregation, or being straight was seen as a choice/disease, or where men were "weak and insignificant", or where biological sex was to be ignored over mental gender and you were to be expected to "transition". even when some of those don't make sense biologically, it doesn't mean it could be impossible of that happening.

when you demonize someone, you alienate them to your ideals and they will isolate themselves from you, making it impossible for any sort of positive change. it's not okay to hurt people, even if your type of being is opressed or has been oppressed.

that's why im so fucking hurt by this person. they make it seem like im a bad person for wanting to have an opinion and that my opinions are invalid because of something i can't change. i didn't ask to be white, i have no control over that. i do have control over what i can learn and say about things. you shouldn't make someone look bad for disagreeing or pointing out toxic traits. if someone says youre ignorant-you try to understand and listen. you don't shut them up because "it's not their place"

then there's alexa

ugh, i want to respect her but she's hypocritical in a way that even i find ridiculous. she will go off about annoying kids trying to be quirky and edgy and then she tries so hard to be trendy and "iconic" which...oh man, hun calm down. not only that, she SWEARS that she doesn't want drama and then she GOES RIGHT AHEAD AND DOES SHIT THAT STARTS IT. shell say political things at the wrong times, she always says "i hate men" when she knows the people around her might snap, she makes a big deal over TINY things and comes off as paranoid to the point where it's harmful. she wasn't like this until she met certain people and now she shouts about her political opinions and it's like??????????? dude, no one wants that energy. you can't complain about unwanted opinions and then hand unwanted opinions out like fucking halloween candy. ianna does the same fucking thing too. it hurts me and a good amount of other people.

but both things come down to:

i shouldn't have to tell someone "you don't want to be involved because they'll hurt you too"

that is literally what i told my friend today because he wanted to know what my group and i were arguing about.

ugh idk what to do. i both hate and love these two people and i don't want to hurt them. god this is shit.

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alrighty so uhhhhhhh i guess my friend thinks im trying to replace him with someone else???? which im not.

i mean, sorry josh if you read this, but thinking that ill "replace" you with a dude i barely know, then that's an issue. you're like a brother to me and the fact that you doubt my loyalty kinda ticks me off. i love this new friend of mine but like, bro...you're my bro.

that's all for today folks lmao