Once again, I'm hoping for the most fictional things possible when I know they'll never happen. Also, I'm pitying myself and hating myself for the range of emotions I've been randomly feeling and forcing on myself.
It's been practically nonstop anxiety and some other horrible feeling that I can't shake. I'll be crying and questioning the people around me because they won't take my word for how good a fucking web comic is. I'm not lying, I felt unbearable because I talk about my interests with other people when they more than likely hate it. I've built up my habit of unrealistic daydreams and hopes once again, proving that I'm not feeling so good.
I crave affection and reassurance but I feel as if I don't deserve it or I don't actually want it at the same time. I keep letting myself become obsessed with fiction and the positive moments. Now I find myself wanting to scream and lose my fucking mind when I don't feel the satisfaction I get from fucking fiction and the few positive things. I'm serious about that, and yes, I know, that's just kind of immature of me. I just want to feel less like a bothersome person and have fun, so when I imagine myself as the hero or cool bad guy, I desperately want that reality.
I don't know.
I really don't.
I want to feel good and I just haven't been feeling that lately.
Sorry to everyone who has to actually deal with my bullshit. Sorry for my awful moodswings and nonstop complaining. Sorry for my constant excuse for things being "I can't do that, I'll have an anxiety attack." Sorry for saying things that come off as annoying and unnecessary. Sorry for showing off my ugly pale legs when I wear shorts. Sorry for literally everything.
:/
YOU ARE READING
RANTS AND MY THOUGHTS
RandomMostly me complaining. I wouldn't suggest reading this if you know me personally/in person, it's likely that I complained about you or mentioned you :) But if you wanna read this, read this. I can't stop you. ??
