RANTS AND MY THOUGHTS

okay

Well shit, I'm fucking going to kill myself.

Yea no, I'm not going to but holy shit. Why the fuck do I even bother trying to live anymore. I can't fucking help the people I care about because no one fucking bothers to take my advice. It's either that or I end up ruining their lives and self image because I can't get the guts to talk to them first.

What's the problem this time, Sydnie? Well, let me fucking tell you about it.

I was told about thirty minutes ago by one of my best friends that I'm just like everyone else and unreliable. At first, I just stared at the message for five minutes before my other best friend started messaging me about how shitty they feel. Ha. Hahaha.

The second person kept coming up with excuses and kept talking me that they can't try to help themselves at all. Then they called themselves a burden.

Wow.

I can't even begin with how I could've reacted to that. It was like slap in the face right after being kicked in the stomach from that whole "you're unreliable" thing. Usually, I don't cry over shit like this but woo boy, I'm crying.

I really hate it when people call themselves a burden. They really aren't. If they were, I would've taken the effort of telling them to get out of my fucking life. I like helping people with their problems. It helps me with my own and it lets me understand situations more. I really do care about those around me and even people I barely know.

I guess my efforts don't really fucking matter anymore.

Now, let me tell you about how fucking upset I am right now. I'm not angry or depressed, I'm terrified. I always want to be as reliable as possible and I like knowing how my friends are feeling about life so I can try to step in and help them. Being told that I'm just as bad as everyone else because I'm an unreliable person kind of just...scared me. Am I really like that.....????

Wow.

Hell I can't continue writing this I'm sorry I feel sick now. Bye.