RANTS AND MY THOUGHTS

"Fat cunt"

You know what? I fucking hate my home life. There's never a single day without conflict and quite frankly, it always either pisses me off or scares the shit out of me. My dad is verbally, sometimes physically, abusive. He genuinely believes that the only way to get someone to do something is to toughen them up through calling them names and being ridiculously harsh with his insults and criticism. Everything is always someone else's fault. 90% of the BULLSHIT that comes out of his mouth is him complaining or harshly calling someone else out for not being good enough. I can understand that when your kids pull some sort of bullshit like not doing their shit or starting a big fight can be irritating but for fuck's sake, have you fucking wondered why it's like that?

My younger brother, MJ, has anger issues. He gets pissed off super fast and doesn't hesitate to start beating the shit out of you. Matthew, one of my other brothers, ALWAYS purposely pisses everyone off. He calls you names, makes fun of you, etc.. So OF FUCKING COURSE, he ALWYAS goes for MJ. MJ will lose his temper and they start a massive fight. Then, when my shitty father steps in, things get more physical and much more terrifying. No wonder MJ hates his guts. One time my lovely fucking father actually had my brother against the wall and started yelling at him. Don't tell me I'm exaggerating what happened because that explanation was nothing like how it actually happened.

Just now, my dad called my mother a fat cunt. Of course he did, he's a piece of shit. He's been in a pissy mood all fucking day. Our dogs have been damaging some of our stuff and I guess they ripped up the backyard a bunch so he started pulling more bullshit. Claiming that he'll drop the dogs off somewhere so they'll get lost, telling me that I do a shit job on everything, and ugh, so much more.

I'm sick of it. He used to be someone that I loved and I was once willing to share my fondness of him with others' but now I just want to punch him in the face and tell him to fuck off. But if I did that, I'd refuse to go out in public because who the hell knows what he'll do to me. I've seen what he does to my brothers when they fight back, he probably wouldn't hesitate to do the same to me.

Matthew gets his dumb insults and personality from my dad too. I hate it. I hate that he takes after someone so insensitive towards us. I hate that Matthew now thinks it's okay to call me a "lazy pig" like he had done a few days ago. I hate that he takes my dad's racist jokes and repeats them. I hate it all. Why did I have to be born into this. I don't want this.

Ugh. I want to punch something and cry.