RANTS AND MY THOUGHTS

hOLY FUCKING SHIT

I'm fUCKING BORED

I started this summer with a shit load of chores to do and more shit to do but jesus fuckin christ man I'm housebound and BORED.

this is why I hate summertime. It's just me being locked inside of a house. With, what, four siblings and a shitload of animals to take care of. Oh my FUCKINg god.

Every goddamn day is the same. Get up. Take a shower(usually). Sit in my room for a long ass time with nothing to do but read homestuck, watch youtube, and fucking draw. Get food. Sit in my room again for fucking ever. Eat dinner. And fucking maybe watch a movie. I haven't seen Amelia in person since school ended and I barely talk to my friends. You know what happens then? Oh boy.

I become an asshole. I go through this cycle every year. I start the school year as an asshole, become a little less of an asshole during the school year, get stressed and ponder at the idea of death before school ends and summer begins. That's when the cycle restarts, you see. I get left to do what I wish for too long and I just end up getting pissed all the time because it's better than being depressed and there's no need to be happy. I'll be honest, it's probably because my needy ass has to escape the house often and I almost needs social interaction despite my social anxiety and anitsocial behavior.

This is why I internally begged for school not to end. I fucking hate this. I always anticipate someone messaging me and being like "hey wanna hang out" just so I still have at least a little bit of hope. Jesus christ, I really shouldn't do that because when you're letting yourself get that desperate, you get lonely and disappointed. With the way I am, I get pissed at myself for having high expectations. That lovely mix is the perfect recipe for an asshole who snaps and is more moody than Karkat Vantas and fucking Keith Kogane combined.

When I do actually get attention, I literally take it in too fast and end up annoying the hell out of people. I'm an attention hog, let me tell you that. As soon as someone talks to me, I talk their ears off till they literally tell me to shut the fuck up or straight up have to forcefully shut my mouth because ignoring me just isn't enough. It fucking sucks because little does the other fucking person know, I can tell that they give no shits and are getting annoyed. And little do they FUCKING  know that my sensitive ass wants to break down and cry because holy SHIT I'm a fucking nuisance to them and I keep making them want to fucking tear their goddamn ears clean off.

:)

yup.

I'm probably being overdramatic. Well fun fact, if I changed my fucking name to "over dramatic" no one would notice because I AM FUCKING OVER DRAMATIC, okay? Call me a fucking member of drama club because eVERY GODDAMN THING I DO IS OVER DONE AND "TOO MUCH" FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

:)

haha

So in conclusion, I am bored as hell, fucking annoying, and unbearably fucking over dramatic and extra. You may go about your day now, I'm done bitching.

Toodles 🤠🤠