Welcome To Hell

No One Likes You and You Should Kill Yourself (Edited)

Months passed by with no gigs.  It had gotten worse at the house.  Necrobutcher left the house and only came to practice.  People came and went all times of the day.  We also managed to move out the scientific things in the basement to practice there.  The acoustics were better anyways.  We never had food unless we could steal some; we had no transport, and no phone.

Benedikte had been writing Metalion along with Dead but it was harder to get so many letters out.  Time was moving by quickly and tensions in the band were getting worse.  Dead and Euronymous were fighting more and more.  It got a little heated one day in late October.

Everyone was seated around the living room talking.

"Euronymous, Dead, I know you want all of this for the stage show but it's too much.  Mainly money wise," Alva tried to tell them. 

"We haven't had any gigs recently and the only time we can use the coffin is for local gigs.  We don't have a truck anymore remember.  Good thing it was paid off already."  Alva finished.

"Alva calm down, we'll get the money somehow."  Gry interjected.

"All of you stop," Benedikte yelled out.

"We cannot do all these things for the stage show and we've got to stop talking about this.  It's the fifth time this week."  Benedikte said and ran upstairs.

She couldn't deal with them.  This wasn't the thing she was really mad about.  She was still furious at Euronymous. 

Flashback

A couple of days ago Euronymous, Hellhammer, Necrobutcher, Kirsten, Alva, Gry, and Benedikte were just sitting around.  Dead came down and started a conversation.  Out of the blue Euronymous told Dead that no one liked him and that he should just kill himself.  I guess because he talked about death again.  That was when Benedikte blew up.  This wasn't the first time Euronymous had told Dead that no one liked him, and he should kill himself.

"Euronymous what the hell is your problem.  You are always telling him this.  Do you really think I'm going to sit here and let you say that?  Everyone likes Dead but they just don't know how to show it.  I know you don't have fucking feelings but that doesn't give you the right to act like a righteous douchbag."  Benedikte yelled and stormed up the stairs.

Benedikte was still thinking about that day when someone came and sat on the bed.  She looked up to the face of Per.

"Benedikte, I know you're not mad about this stage thing.  I know it's because of Euronymous being a jerk a few days ago.  Don't worry about it, it upsets me, see my arm.  It's got cuts from trying to get over it.  It will be fine."  Per said and hugged her.

"I know he cares about you and you both are best friends.  I just think Euronymous has a hard time showing it.  I also know he is stressed from everything that's been going on."  Benedikte explained.

"I know but it still makes me upset when he says things like that even though he doesn't mean it."  Per said sighing while looking down.

He walked to the other side of the room and showed her the artwork and the lyrics he had written recently.

Later that night Euronymous was playing synth music loudly in his bedroom.  Dead couldn't sleep very well so it of course woke him up.  So, he took his pillow and went to sleep in the woods.  He had always felt like he belonged in the woods, so it was not big deal.

After Dead had been asleep for some time Euronymous came outside.  He had his shotgun and started shooting at some birds or something, and it woke Dead up.

"Oh, I hate him so much and that music."  Dead mumbled to himself as he climbed the stairs.

He was still mumbling when he made it to the room.  Benedikte had been awake from the shots asked Dead what was wrong.

"Well first Euronymous was playing horrible music, and I went to the woods.  He then came out to shoot and now I can't sleep."

"Well come on," Benedikte said and threw her arm around him.  They laid there in silence and just fell asleep.

Later that day Dead started a conversation with Benedikte that caught her off guard.

"Hey Benedikte, have you ever seen a snuff film?"  Dead asked.

"No," she said confused.

"It's a real death on tape.  Not that fake horror movies but real death."  He explained.

"No that sounds interesting.  Is it underground, like old horror movies, or totally different?"

"It has an underground horror feel to it.  I've always wondered what it would be like if someone saw it happen in front of them, in real life.  I've always wanted to research reactions to it."  Per said.

"Interesting, one day you'll have show me one.  Not now, well because we have no money, we but I'm sure we can do it soon.  Things are going to get better."  She said.

"Hey guys," Alva said poking her head through the door.  "We're going over to a party at Samoth's house do you want to come?"

Benedikte agreed and Dead followed her. 

An hour into the party Dead and Tompa from the band Grotesque were cutting themselves to see who was more extreme.  They dripped blood everywhere they walked.  Dead was drinking Folköl which has very low alcohol content.

Soon Dead started acting weird, slurring his woods and almost falling over.  He had a knife in his hand and was starting to cut other people.  A few guys and Benedikte tackled him.  We got some handcuffs on him and then had to take him to the police. 

When we got there the cops just laughed and cut the cuffs off his hand.

Benedikte, Dead, and Kirsten got in Tompa's car and that was when Benedikte started yelling.

"Who gave Dead hard liquor.  Last time he got vodka he almost killed himself."  She yelled.

"I did," Tompa said from behind the wheel.

"I didn't know that would happen."  He said distantly.

"Oh, Tompa I'm sorry I yelled.  I thought one of the Mayhem boys did it.  I didn't know it was you."  Benedikte apologized.

"It's okay I know how Euronymous is.  Even in different situations it's always hard to deal with everything."  Tompa said.

Weeks later Euronymous apologized to Benedikte and she accepted begrudgingly.  It was the last straw for Kirsten who told Euronymous that they should go back to being just friends.  I think Euronymous was relieved because they never felt like a couple but would do better as friends.  A blessing came because of the friendship between Necrobutcher and a Christian radio station.