America To Korea

Part 32: The Father Who Got Away

Previously:
Her eyes tried to meet mine but I refused to let that happen. She sighed and placed her hands on her lap, starring at the floor. "There's something that I think you should know. Something about your parents." She managed to capture an inch of my attention, but I was still heartbroken. Tears were still on my face, but it dried.

I sat up with red, swollen eyes, "My parents?"

"Your mother and father."

I turned back into my bed, "I don't want to know about my father."

"But I'm afraid that you already do."
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Jina's POV
What does she mean? I know my father? But how? All this time, I never once spared a thought or effort on looking for my father despite the fact that he was one of the reasons why I went. 

"Your company, S.M Entertainment, he's there."

I was at a loss of words. Every inch, every second, felt like moments on eternity. "My father? At S.M? That can't be... How?"

My gomo's eyes were filled with empathy. She took a deep breath and told me, "Wait here." She went out of the room and came back with a photo album and a letter in her hands. "This letter is for you. It's from your mother."

I grasped the letter. "My mother?"

"Yes. She wrote it before she died. She knew that one day, you will ask questions and she was afraid that she won't be there to answer them."

I carefully tear the letter and found inside an old letter and a photograph. Eager to know what my mother has to say first, I read the letter:

To Jina,

Jina, my daughter. By the time you read this, you are probably a big girl and started to doubt everything. My only worry is that I won't be there to help you. And I don't blame you, I would too.

I'm very sorry honey. I know I'm not the mother that you want me to be and I hope that you can forgive me, forgive me for not being here with you. Telling you lies were not my intentions, but if that meant protecting you, then I would do whatever necessary. I instructed your gomo to hand this letter to you when you are all grown up and ready to know about yourself.

Jina, your father. Don't blame him. He knows nothing of this. He knows nothing of you.  But I know for a fact, if he knew about you, he wouldn't have leave. It's my fault. It's my own wishful thinking that we could all be together. But that wasn't the reality. Your father was a businessman from South Korea who came to America. That was where he met a young woman who just moved from China to study Neurology in college. I remember one day where I rushed my car to make it in time for class. Out of nowhere, he appeared and I almost had to call the police. I approached him and asked him our for dinner as an apology. 

Jina, if you're stubborn like me, you will try to search for him. If you're reading this, then that means Linda has decided to give you permission to let you know the truth and for you to pursue your own dreams; and so have I. But please, don't search for him. 

I will always love you my daughter. 

I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. Waves and punches of emotions punched me like a sandbag. Linda sat down to comfort me by pulling me into her arms and patting my back, the way she always does. 

"It's okay." she reassured and tightened her grip, "You're mother hoped that you would never have to read that letter. It's all my fault. I've failed her." 

I felt as if my life had been crashing down from the sun to the core of the earth. My mother isn't here, I know that, but today it felt real. It felt as if she was directly speaking to me. These were her last words.