My Guide To Having Fun at Family Gatherings:
(With commentary by my big sister Kayla [K])
Chapter 1:
How to Confuse people
A. Wear the same clothes as your twin. Constantly switch places.
OR
If you don't have a twin take multiple clothing changes. Get your siblings in on the act and switch clothes constantly.
K: Usually works. Can't say much about the twin one because I've never tried it, but the clothe switches does work quite well.
B. If it's at your house when ever everyone goes outside or to a different room switch round the furniture.
K: We had so much fun doing this once. Then our parents got angry because we broke a plate changing the table cloth.
C. Snitch things off people's plates. Make sure they don't see you. They'll just think their food keeps disappearing...
K: Fun, except when your food goes missing...
Chapter 2:
How To Annoy Your Cousins
A. When you say hello ask them what their least favourite song is. Sing it for the rest of the day.
K: Also very annoying when the song happens to be your least favourite song too...
B. If at their place (get your other cousins to do it too) go through all their stuff in their room.
K: That was an odd experience ... We found a barbie doll in our (male) cousins room...
C. Steal their phone/iPod and lock it FOREVER!
K: I've had this done many times so I know how annoying it is.
OR
Hide it and only tell them where it is if they tell you the password. Then claim you're going to get it and hide in the bathroom texting random people in their contacts.
K: When you do it to someone else? Hilarious! When done to you? Not so much.
Chapter 3:
How to ignore relatives who keep trying to talk to you when you don't give a duck what they're saying
A. Bring headphones and some REALLY loud songs.
K: works, just as long as they don't think you're rude listening to music.
B. Just nod at whatever they say.
K: Just make sure not to nod to questions like: 'So, do you hate all you're teachers?' Or 'Do you hate me?'. That can be awkward...
C. Eat a packet of chips so you can't hear them over the crunching.
K: this ones pretty straight forward, they can't say you're rude for eating and you don't have to listen to them.
For extra effectiveness do all of these at the same time.
Chapter 4:
How to get your parents to let you leave and drive you home AWAY FROM THE CRAZIES! Umm yeah...
A. Get your littlest sibling to pretend to be sick. This almost always works because studies have proven parents will react more to their youngest child's needs.
K: Always works for us!
B. Get your cousins to complain to your aunt/uncle/whoever else that they hate you where your parents can hear. Usually works.
K: What it says up there ^^
C. Get your youngest sibling to break something important. Your parents will start apologising and then get you to leave. NEVER do it yourself or you'll get in trouble, always get your youngest brother/sister 'cause they can always pull the 'I'm onwy four' or however old they are trick.
K: just make sure they don't break anything too expensive, like a flat screen tv or an iPad.
Chapter 4:
How to get relatives to leave your house
A. If you have a dog get your dog to be sick on your aunts favourite shoes.
OR
If you don't have a dog get your little brother to do it.
K: Helps if your dog can either throw up on command or you have those pills they use in movies to make people vomit. Training your dog to vomit is easier than getting hold of those things.
B. Get your grandparents to talk about when your parents and aunts and uncles were young. Get them to tell the MOST embarrassing stories they know.
K: You learn some interesting things with this one. Your uncles and aunts will leave pretty quickly as soon as their parents start talking.
C. Put sleeping pills into the food so all your relatives feel tired and go home.
K: Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT do this with laxatives. Then you end up with a dozen adults running to your bathrooms and staying there for two hours.
OR IF ALL ELSE FAILS
D. Go hide in your room and lock the door so you complain over kik to all your friends about how much you hate family gatherings.
K: Just make sure your parents don't make you come down.
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Authors Note:
And so you have come to the end of 'My Guide To Having Fun at Family Gatherings'. Truth be told, many of these are not ways to have fun, but to save yourself from complete and utter boredom. I hope that this book shall be passed down the generations to save many people from tiresome family gatherings.
Your Awesome Author
-DreamDanceDo
(And a little bit of help from my sister Kayla who is awesome when she's not being a b*tch. No Kayla you were not supposed to read that)
(C) copyright DreamDanceDo, wattpad, 2014
