Snag Reads Her Old Fanfiction

Chapter 2: Good night, Orange eyed cat!

Oh god the title where is the capitalization?
Also, I didn't indent paragraphs AT ALL during this chapter aside from dialogue, so I'll be doing that as I go for your convenience.

Embersoar woke up once again in that cold dark place, her chest throbbing. She groaned, and turned her head to look around.
Unneeded comma and also cliché chapter start.

Embersoar was in some kind of very undersized camp with no dens, but a scary looking thorn barrier around her, about ten tail- lengths from her jet- black pelt.
Ooh. Spoopy. You should probably get up now.

Embersoar laid where she was in the dark, soggy grass for awhile, not wanting to stand on her aching bright orange paws. She stared at the leafless trees above her, feeling a chilly breeze weave through her pelt, and stroke her skin.
Waitwaitwait. Bright orange? I'll admit this design is cool, but I won't take points off because this entire story is more fantasy that normal Warriors.

Embersoar growled. Is it Leafbare here? She thought, her bright orange tail tip twitching. What was the weather like before I came here?
How would you know you were somewhere else before this if your memory is gone?

Embersoar laid on the ground, thinking to herself. She didn't remember much of anything about her life before here, If she had one. But she had to! She knew she had lived before, but when she tried to reach memories, they slipped from her grasp like fish. The only thing she knew was her name. Embersoar. I am Embersoar. She thought, not wanting to forget this memory. Her only remaining memory.
Oh. Seems legit.

"The she- cat's awake,"
Oh crap

Embersoar tensed when she heard a raspy whisper somewhere nearby. She stood up slowly, not wanting to look weak, but not wanting to hurt herself, either.
About time omg

"Who's there?" She growled uncertainty. When the cat just mrowed in laughter, Embersoar just repeated herself more confidently. "Who's there? Show yourself!"
"She growled uncertainty." How did I miss that error? Also what's with cats watching her from the dark?

This time, a cat stepped from the brambles, smirking.
This time????

"Good night, Orange eyed cat!" she licked her paw. "I would say good morning, but, oops! Silly me! Where's the sun?"
I already hate this character.

Embersoar growled threateningly.
She's clearly not stable, that won't do much, Embie.

"Calm it, kitty," The she- cat growled, her seemingly crazy yellow eyes glowing. "I'm only going to shred you into a few pieces, not a million."
Oh okay that's good. I was worried there for a second.

Embersoar arched her back and puffed out her fur in anger. "Oh, yeah?" She growled, surprising herself. "And what makes you think that?" Why am I not terrified? This cat's going to shred me just like she promised!
Again, you're provoking a mentally unstable dark forest cat.

The other cat growled angrily. "Why wouldn't I think that?" she growled. "You look like you could hardly harm a mouse!"
Well she isn't wrong.

That was it. Embersoar snapped. She lunged at the she- cat, her claws unseathed, and her teeth bared. The she- cat dodged her attack, but Embersoar was faster. As she landed, Embersoar twisted around, once again lunging for the she- cat. She squeaked in surprise as Embersoar landed on top of her, clawing her chest fur.
AGAIN. MENTALLY. UNSTABLE.

"Manners, kitty!" It screeched, trying to get free. "You didn't even ask my name yet!"
Say "Kitty" one more time...

Embersoar rolled her eyes. This she- cat was crazy! Embersoar was clawing her, and all she cared about was her name?
So glad you finally came to that conclusion.

"Fine," Embersoar sighed, wanting to get this over with. "Whats your name?"

"Why, I'm glad you asked!" The she- cat mewed cheerfully, seemingly forgetting she was being attacked. "I am Finchspots! And you are?"
Actually not a bad name.

Embersoar just stared at Finchspots, mistified. How could a cat have gone so crazy?
Because cats like you walk around asking dumb questions.

"And you are...?" Finchspots repeated, not caring her back was being shoved into the soggy ground.
Are you not seeing the signs

"Embersoar." Embersoar meowed, liking her name better when she said it out loud. "Embersoar."
I swear if you let your guard down

"Yeah, I heard you the first time." Finchspots sighed, then bit down on Embersoar's paw. Hard.
Aaand you did it.

Embersoar screeched in agony, pain tearing through her paw and foreleg. But Finchspots wouldn't let go. Embersoar tore her claws down Finchspots's cheek, trying to free herself, but Finchspots just wouldn't let go! Man, this she- cat really knew how to fight dirty!
Man, am I ready to slap you across the face!

After awhile rolling around in the soggy earth for awhile, screeching and yowling, the she- cats broke up, panting.
Okay first of all, you've said "awhile" twice, and second of all, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Embersoar had her paw held off the ground where Finchspots had bitten her, and Finchspots's ear was bleeding where Embersoar had nearly torn it in half.
Chill out why are you even fighting?

"Finchspots!" A voice yowled. "Whats going on over there?"
Oh nothing, just beating up the newcomer.

Finchspots smug look turned into fear as ice blue eyes suddenly flashed through the brambles. Is another cat going to attack me? Embersoar thought, panting. Oh, great Skypride, can i take two cats on at once?
No, you can't.