Secrets [Zarry]

Jello

Zayn was only at the party for an hour before the girls began to swarm him.

Which led to him taking one last drink, and leaving.

Zayn was more of a casual party type of guy.

Like a group of friends and a good movie casual.

He wasn't into the big parties with drugs and sex.

Liam was the one who drove them over, but Zayn took his car to drive back to their apartment.

After he got there he changed into more comfortable clothes and decided to read that chapter they were assigned to read in astronomy.

He finished rather quickly, easily becoming bored.

Zayn lit a cigarette, mainly because Liam wasn't around to tell him no smoking inside, and got out of bed.

As he pushed his astronomy book back into his bag, his eyes landed on that pink journal.

Zayn paused, very briefly debating if he should read it or not before he pulled it from his bag and opened it, sitting back on his bed.

None of the pages had dates, Zayn realized this as he flipped through.

So he stopped on a random page and decided to read.

Sometimes I really wish I didn't feel this way. It'd be so much easier for me and my family if I wasn't so strange. If I could just naturally act like and want to be a boy. I'm really beginning to hate myself and I can't enjoy anything anymore. Not even mom's cooking. How long am I going to have to feel this way...
                                - H

Zayn read over the paragraph multiple times, trying to figure it out.

Had he found the journal of a transgender person?

He flipped a few pages.

I had a dream last night that I was in a field wearing the perfect lavender colored dress. I've never been so disappointed to wake up.
                           - H

I feel guilty about taking my sister's shaving cream. I just had to shave my legs, I couldn't use men's shaving cream. Maybe she'll think she lost it. Though, I'm not sure I've ever heard of anyone just losing a can of shaving cream. Peach berry scented shaving cream with aloe that left such a heavenly feel. Men are really missing out. I think I'd like a man with a face or chest that smelled like peach berry...
                          - H

Zayn got more comfortable in bed, frowning some as he flipped the page and read even more.

I'm so jealous of every woman I see. Why can't I dress like them and feel beautiful without being made fun of or beaten?
                             - H

I'm honestly worried I'm going to lose my hair from wearing it up all the time. I love my hair. I think if I do end up losing it I'll adopt a wig. Maybe a blonde one.
                            - H

I'm graduating soon, mom says they're throwing me a party. I'm concerned I won't get enough cake.
                            - H

Zayn smiled at that one, flipping all the way to the last entry.

I met this boy today, every time he looked at me I felt weak. He gave me a pen :) It was the highlight of my day. There would be a pun there if he'd given me a highlighter. He's so sexy though, and I can't help but wonder if he's gay. He seems so perfect but I know I'll never have the confidence to make a move. Even if I did, how could I ever be in a relationship with him when I'm practically two different people? Why would he want to be with a freak like me?
                          - H