Social Pariah

GRIEF

 No matter what Lucas tried to do, he couldn't forget about his meeting with his real mother. It was a foreign feeling for him to be this affected in a simple explanation he heard. He tried calling Namya a few times but she wouldn't budge. She might be busy or her phone might have a low battery, he told himself. It wasn't a surprise for Lucas if Namya's phone was off since she rarely used it.

Lucas could still remember his Mom asking him what happened and him shrugging it off as if it nothing bad happened even though he literally wanted to burst inside.

"So Lucas, how did it go?"

Lucas forced a smile at his Mom. He didn't want to agitate her further or make her worry for him so he decided not to tell her about his mother's revelation. He knew that she'd also be terribly disappointed in him if he told her how he reacted, or at least that's what he feared her reaction would be.

"It was fine, Mom," he replied as emotionlessly as possible.

Lucas's mother narrowed his eyes at him. "I thought you were very excited to meet her."

Lucas shrugged nonchalantly. "She wasn't that bad but honestly, Mom, after learning why she left us, why she left me, did you really expect me to be very happy?"

His mother looked at him with worried eyes. "Are you sure you're alright? Is there something that you wanted to tell me?"

Lucas shook his head and tried to grin, failing miserably. "I'm just tired and a bit confused right now. The truth was just a bit hard for me to process. Maybe I should just rest first and process it as well so that I could tell you more tomorrow."

His mother nodded. "Very well. Sleep well, Lucas."

Lucas stared at his mother for a moment before letting out a small smile. "I will."

His stepmother was there for him through thick and thin. Why didn't his real mother try to communicate with him or made an effort to at least know him before? Why now? Is it because his father died and her guilt caught up with her that the only way to lessen it was to ask for her son's forgiveness?

The more Lucas thought about it, the number he felt as each day passed. Namya's reaction was odd for him because she felt angry at his mother too. She hadn't experienced it before, right? So why was she acting as if it was her on Lucas's shoes.

It was also getting harder for Lucas to act naturally among Kyle and his friends. The words his real mother told him was still etched on his brain and continued to haunt him as he went to school. The foreign feeling never went away and it made Lucas feel more confused and alone as ever...until right there, in that spot where he humiliated Kyle, the feeling finally hit him in the head and he realized what he was feeling at that moment. He was feeling grief for everything that had happened and whatever he did made the feeling worsen. And no matter how hard he blocked it with his mind, his heart was fighting himself and as he stared at the picture of his father on the wall of his bedroom, tears flowed from his eyes and he cried himself to sleep.