Gold || Oikawa Tooru x Reader

Chapter Thirty-Five: Take Care of Me

I don't know if this is triggering or not, but if you are easily triggered please please skip this chapter! I love you all and I don't want you guys to get hurt from my writing! Thank you!

It only took ten minutes into practice for Oikawa to shut down.

It hurt.

He hurt.

He was in so much pain that he wanted to just jump off of a building and just fall. All the built up stress from school began to crash down on him, and thoughts began swirling through his head.

Was he annoying (F/n)? Was he a bad boyfriend? What if she left? How could he be better? Could he be better? Was there any way to be better?

He shut his chocolate brown eyes to hold back his tears, and he sucked in a shaky breath. All he wanted right now was to curl up in a warm blanket at home and drink hot chocolate, maybe watch a movie. Get comfortable. Get away.

He wanted to leave. He needed to go. He wanted to go. Was he allowed to leave?

His heart leapt into his throat and his chest squeezed in a horrible, twisty way that somehow managed to bring up more of his dark thoughts.

(F/n) was going to leave him. He was going to leave his beloved team. Iwaizumi, eventually, would leave too. He was going to be all alone, just a small light flickering in a dark void.

Alone. Separate from those he loved and respected.

He couldn't see. He was numb. It was dark and horrible and his head hurt. And he wanted to leave. He wanted to go home and never see the sun again. He wanted to curl up and just fall asleep and never wake up.

Oikawa managed to hear voices break through his thoughts, and he was being pulled towards the bench by who he thought was Iwaizumi, or Matsun.

Nobody managed to get through to him. He desperately wanted to talk to them, but his mouth couldn't seem to work. It was dry. He was cold and shaking. He felt tears prickling at the edges of his eyes.

"We need you to come here. Now." Iwaizumi was saying into his phone. Oikawa felt his thoughts calm enough for him to wonder who it was. "I don't care if you're halfway home! Run! We don't know what's wrong with him and he won't answer any questions. Please."

Hearing his friend beg into his phone began scaring him. Was he going to be okay? Was there something wrong with him? There was always something wrong with him.

He was such a bad person. He scared his kouhai's, was disrespectful to one kouhai in particular, took things out on his team, and pushed himself to the brink of what he was going to call insanity.

Was he going insane?

His fingers dug into his scalp almost painfully, his perfect nails stabbing and clawing as if the pain would drain all of his worries away.

He was trembling. Was he cold? He couldn't tell anymore. Everything was becoming a numb haze. A mixture of voices and blurry glances. His coach was calling someone. Probably (hopefully) his mom.

Then, he felt delicate hands slip over his ears. A girl was crouched in front of him. Her (e/c) eyes somehow managed to break through his blurry haze, looking like beautiful gemstones, clear and pure.

"Hey, Tooru." Her voice was crisp, and everything dissolved away. Her warm hands were still pressed lightly on his ears, enough for almost everything to be drowned out except for her voice.

He stared at her blankly for who knows how long. (Long enough to worry his team because everyone looked legit ready to call 911, a priest, and Jesus himself. Lord save this boy.)

Finally, with a crackly, teary voice, he whispered, "(F-F/n)-chan."

She nodded, stretching her thumbs from his ears to rub around his temples. "It's been a long day. Your mom is going to pick us up, and my brother will drop off my stuff so I can stay for the night, okay?" She says this calmly, catching everyone off guard.

The team was honestly expecting her to be panicking, acting desperate or even crying. But no. She just crouched down in front of him and looked into his eyes quietly, only talking when she was silently invited to.

Slowly, Oikawa nodded. He felt his shaking stop, and he suddenly felt awful. Tired, sick, and strangely, scared. He didn't know why. It was as if his brain was confusing emotions with other ones.

"Tooru." Her hands dragged from his ears and down to his shoulders. "Go get out of your uniform, okay? I'll be waiting outside the gym doors to walk with you."

Upon her suggestion, he nodded, getting to his feet and leaving the gym. After she was sure he was gone, she let out a shaky breath. "What happened? He just had a full fledged panic attack."

The other boy's glanced at each other, some shrugging, others (like Matsun and Makki) seemed to exchange a mental conversation.

She frowned. "Okay... just... be careful, okay guys? I'll text Hajime when we get to his house to update you all on how he's doing." With that, the girl left the gymnasium.

After Oikawa emerged, she quickly took his wrist and pulled him to the front doors of the school and towards the parking lot, where his moms car sat. (F/n) pulled him into the back seat with her wordlessly, and they drove to his house. His mom said nothing, only looking back at the two in the rear view mirror with worry.

The entire time, Oikawa's hand was wrapped around hers, squeezing it tightly. His eyes were cast down to his lap, oddly dry at the moment.

When they pulled into the driveway, her brothers car was just pulling away. Her bag was at the front step, along with chips and a bag of what he thought was fresh milk bread buns. Oikawa wondered what he did to deserve a girl with such a wonderful family.

Oikawa's mom told her where everything was quickly, before the two disappeared up into his room, where she plopped him down on the bed.

"You look horrible when you cry." (F/n) pointed out, clambering clumsily onto the bed behind him to begin massaging his back and shoulders. He immediately relaxed.

After a few minutes, she pulled out the snacks and offered him one of the buns. She leaned against him, until he let out a huff and threw his arms around her in a fierce hug.

"O-Oikawa!" She yelped in surprise, and he burrowed his face in her hair.

"Please stay with me." He begged. "I need you. I don't want you to go away from me. Just... just please take care of me." His voice cracked, and he let out a small sob.

She went still for a moment, before wrapping her harms around his torso and nodding quietly.

"I promise."

I'm sorry.
So, like, I recently had this panic attack at school (for who knows what I'm just a broken child) and then I'm like 'HEY, LOOK, INSPIRATION!'

And then I spat this out.

I made myself cry look at that.

Oh, also, today my cat ran into my glass door repeatedly because my brothers bird was throwing a temper tantrum over tearing his toy in half.

It was a very dramatic day. Just thought I should share. It was utterly hilarious.