The Show Must Go On

Let Me Entertain You

I was more scared than going to the doctors, than my own father was and was for him, not me.
We had a light breakfast before going to the doctors. I felt bad for my father he threw it all up. "Dad, I feel something is really wrong with you, what do you think it is? The flu, I think it is..." i didn't want to think worse so I hoped for the best.
he looked so drained already, "we don't have to go if you don't want to" i said to him while gettin him so even water.

My fathers bodyguard wanted to take took us, but I insisted I should be the only one to go with my dad. They understood that, my father never really drove he never thought it was that important, like it was his first priority in his life, plus he got frustrated the first time someone taught him behind the wheel I was shaking the whole ride, my dad told me "calm down, you're more nervous than I am" he giggled while covering his mouth, he put on a brave face the whole time.

My father has always been brave, even before I've known him. He loved to be macho and manly at times, just to show off for everyone his over for the song 'the Great Pretender' really speaks to him in a way it does most. One of a couple I love of my dad's solo projects he's done.

Alot of the time, my dad was cocky but he's been in the business for about 20+ so nothing really surprised him on rumors people would make up. He was a tough man, but behind closed doors he was the most kindest person in the world, he had a heart so warm it would make you realize he puts on a stage act, but don't be fooled he wasn't fake he was bring himself buy better.

So far so good, the appointment was going better than I imagined, we waiting for result, as my dad was getting sores all over his body good thing they weren't so visible so anyone could call him out on it, alot of speculation was going around that my dad's past lovers of men were all dying from AIDS which was a common scare in the gay community.

I can hear my own heartbeat, I'm pretty sure my father could too, he just kissed my hand in reassures that there was nothing to be scared of.
Finally the doctor walked in, he squeezed my hand in excitement, "hello, Freddie, how are you doing today?" He asked as he sat down with the papers that had my dad's medical records.
"I feel a little drained but, other than that I'm very delightful to be here" he said while putting on a grin.
The doctor looked over at me and said "Vanessa, I hear you take care of your father, quiet deary?" I smiled and looked at the doctor and said "well doc, hes my life, and I wouldn't know what to do with out him" my dad smiled and reached out over to hold ,you hand, the doctor didn't look pleased anymore, as he took a deep breathe he let out "Freddie, I know you don't like anyone beating around the bush" my father interrupted and said "yes, yes, yes doctor" i watched the doctors mouth slowly mouth and say,
"i'm sorry Freddie, but you have AIDS..."
my head was feeling heavy, and my mind was slowing down, I didn't think this through, my life was not mines anymore I didn't want it right now. I stood up and backed away, but my hands on my head, and couldn't breathe, what was I to do? Everything was in slow motion I looked over at my father and he asked, "how long do I have doctor?" I sat in the corner of the room and began to cry, that all I could do was cry.
"you have time, Freddie less than 5 years or so" he took a deep breathe, and than started to cried. The doctor added
"the best way to handle this situation is token be there for Vanessa as much as you can" he than looked over at me and said "Vanessa, you need to be there for your dad as much as you can, this is a serious time where you can't be selfish, your dad isn't going to be here for long and you need to realize that's the truth so take that into consideration next time you fight" i stood up and wiped my own tears.
his doctor told my dad, "now I'm going to put you on medication and soon it'll be more medication, we are going to fight this!!"