The Show Must Go On

Somebody To Love

October 10th 1991

i stayed up every night this month til 12 just to make sure my father went to sleep, it took him awhile to fall asleep these past months, he was loosing his eye sight, and kept throwing up his medicine each time Mary would give him it, i couldn't watch him anytime he was in pain, it hurt me so much, i could punch the wall in anger every time but i had to be strong for my fathers sake and my family. my Mamani' (grandma) and 'Babayi' (grandpa) from my fathers side never came over to visit my dad during his last months, simply because he didn't want them to be stressed about his heath, he was too ashamed of his condition.

this month i learned that the media did betray him into a dying ,musician they were cruel and evil at the same, sometimes my father would speak and some days he wouldn't, it was like i was hiding him from the world and i was ashamed of putting him out there for everyone to see.

each day my uncles would come in and out of Garden Lodge to see if my father was up for back tracking for a special project they were going to release after his death that they have planned. i knew what was going on and so did everyone else i loved the idea but some times my father was too restless and weak to be up for the challenge. i remember him and i being in the room with each other at a lot of times, and he'd tell stories of why he loved my mom differently and why they choose my name, "Vanessa Redgrave was a celebrity your mother and i both adored in 1960's, she was amazing at doing what she loved to do, acting and being a star, something your mother loved she was an amazing actress, she never told you but she loved watching a lot of movies when she was pregnant with you"

October 31st 1991

this was my time to shine, i told my father on my birthday which was a very, very small get together with few of my friends and close family members came to celebrate it with me, i told him i wanted to pursue singing and modeling, "i've been in the studio with uncle Roger, and we want to take the next step, how do you feel about all of it?" he smiled slightly and nodded his head, "if it only makes you happy, than i say go for it darling" that's all it took for my father to think it over, as i was walking out the room, he told me "Vanessa..." i immediately stopped and said "..yes" he told me to sit right next to him and asked me "just remember that you cant really break down in this business, you have to have tough skin, if you don't the media will turn there backs on you real quick, the world keeps spinning even without your permission.." i kissed his head and told him "your words never leave my thought dad.." he smiled and said "my pride and joy...happy birthday my darling"

i remember going downstairs and seeing my mother and everyone give me big smiles as if they knew i had a moment with my father. "is everything okay?" my mom asked "i'm fine, i just had to have a special moment with him" she understood.

as much as i wanted my father up and walking with very high spirits life wasn't having it, i learned to accept it. my father has done so much for me in my past 35 years of life. everyone sang happy birthday to me, as i looked around so many people all went teary eyed around me, ive grown up so much, i was finally going to make my father proud this was my time to keep the Mercury name on, and nothing was going to stop me.