The Show Must Go On

In the Lap of the Gods

Now there is only one reason why love isn't my number one priority. My mom has always told me reasons why she fell in love with my dad he was shy, too quiet, but grieve and bold. From her point of view they had to pair up, now arts wasn't her best subject but that was one thing that was my fathers so she took the same class just to get close to him. They were all suppose to pair up for an assignment and my mother took the chance that day, she'll tell you still she doesn't regret it still
"I literally just went up to him and he was doodling to himself, he was the quiet guy in class he didn't like being the center of attention at all he hated talking because he'd be afraid to be talked of (his teeth was a very much insecurity of his) but to me I thought it was adorable, I asked him flat out 'would you be my partner for this damn assignment' he smiled with his big teeth and the rest is history"
my parents really loved each other , she never once said that she suspected that he was "gay, or even bisexual" she always told me it was real love. But my fathers point of view is similar but totally better when he tells me how it was. I remember picking out my outfit with Phoebe in the summer of 1980 we were just getting ready to go eat out at a new fancy restaurant since we were just taking a break in the studio for the album "the Game" i realized my dad was going to meet up with me so I left with my car and waiting for him there.
As I sat down at the table I was only there for 5 mins I seen my dad walk in with some dark glasses and a scarf and a knit brown sweater. I smiled and waved my hand to signal I was here, he sat down and we finally ordered. "Have you recently talked to your mother" he asked me while taking his scarf off "not since last week, why what happened?" he ordered his meal and waited til the waitress had left "she called me right before I left the studio, and you want to know what she had said?..." I had no idea so I nodded "she asked about how I was doing, and blah blah blah but right when she hung up she told me she loved me" I smiled "oh really" I smiled and giggled "oh Vanessa your mother is such a lady and it was funny because I told her I love her back" I grinned "and I really meant it this time" in my mind I thought and only hoped that my parents would magically fall back in love, that's all I wanted in life.

You see my parents were only 18 when they had me, my father tells me all the time that she was the only woman he actually really loved, but music got in the way of course. It makes me sad to know things didn't work out for them. But the truth is sometimes I wonder if they could possibly have made it. My dad told me stories of when he first asked her out on a date "I was trebling like a leaf, your mother is so confident in her own skin, she liked me and she knew just how to swoon me, she went to all of my auditions and supporting me threw tough times and tough breaks, thats one thing I do not wish to forget the love I had with your mother"
He also told me he remembers when he and my mother first told each other they loved each other, "we had our 2nd date and I brought her to my parents house in London she was so nervous but I wasn't I was more ecstatic than ever, I've never done this but your grandparents loved and I mean Loved her" a tear went down my eye while he told me the story I was happy so happy! "I ended up walking your mother back to her house and I told her she's very loved by my family I looked at her and told her 'she's loved by me also' than we went inside and you know" I laughed and joked "than me" it was a funny moment. I'll never forget it I won't forget it.

My parents made me fear love, actually
It's really hard to explain but it's sort of a purpose of us falling in love, after I broke up with Keanu he did end up going out with Sandra, at first it hurt than I found out from him that it was just a publicity stunt what ever the case was, it didn't get me to go back to him. I was really disappointed in myself because I felt as if I let my father down, I was focused on making music and keeping others happy that I let it get in the way of my own finding love and living life. Kinda funny how that worked out but losing Keanu and my uncle John that year took a huge toll on me, again it brought me back to memories of my father.
But I started to focus more and more on me love could wait or maybe love was just around the corner, until than i started on my singing career.