Jon ~Simple~

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A/N: Pack up your lunches and grab your buddies children, we're going on a fucking feels trip! Once again a request for the awesome winterwolf2215 a Jon x depressed!Reader, hope you enjoy!

WARNING: This fic has very heavy themes and describes depressive acts, and self-harm, in great detail. If these things make you uncomfortable in any way I advise you to skip this chapter.

It was never meant to be this way, you never intended for anyone to see the hair thin cuts on your wrists, thighs, stomach even.

Least of all him, Jon was always such a sweet and caring boyfriend and you didn't want to trouble him or have him feel at fault. Depression was a constant in your life, no one was to blame for that, it was simply a mental illness.

"Simply" you scoffed at the notion. Not much was "Simple" about it.

Nothing was simple really. Everything was complex, life, people, emotions. It's no wonder you were so rarely happy, it's hard to be happy when everything is so difficult.

Depression was violent in the quietist ways; waves of apathy broken only by terrible sadness, sudden and unwarranted hysteria, or a horrible, slashing anger that only satisfied itself by slicing your body with a razor.

Was cutting the right way to go about it? No, of course not. It was better than lashing out at your friends though, so you went with it.

You'd like to think you'd been pretty good at hiding it up until now. Nobody ever pulled you aside, or asked worried, dodgy, questions. Even Jon didn't seem to notice anything wrong.

The only time you dared let that anger out was the dark hours of the night.

Tonight had been no different, you sat on your bed, razor in hand. You only had the one, and had to dismantle a pencil sharpener to get it in the first place. Cold metal on overheated skin, a strange, yet pleasing combination. Seeing as your arms were covered in fresh scabs from just the night before, and your stomach was a little more difficult to slice, you had the razor pressed to your thighs tonight.

With one swift motion blood began beading up on your leg, warm and sticky, but you weren't focused on that.

You were enraged, utterly pissed off with yourself.

Another cut.

You were such a bad friend, why did anyone even like you?

Another cut.

You were a terrible partner, how could Jon even stand you? How could he stand to love you?

Another cut.

Tears began to fall from your eyes, dripping onto your legs, water mingling with blood, making it misty and causing it to fall faster. The tears burned your cuts, but you couldn't stop.

Another cut.

You kept going like this, until you were running out of room, if you cut any farther down you wouldn't be able to wear shorts.

You sat there, curled up on your bed, staring at the blood stained razor in hand. You were trembling, the stinging pain was just beginning to set in, it burned.

The door creaked open.

There he stood in the open doorway, jaw slack and black eyes welling with tears. Light flooded into the dark bedroom, illuminating your hunched over form.

Scrambling off the bed you panicked about, hastily shoving your razor in your bedside table. Your (E/C) gaze met his and the hurt in his eyes was more than clear as his tears began to fall heavy.

A morbid though crossed your mind for a second.

Did those tears on his cheeks feel like the blood on your thighs?

Warm, sticky, ever flowing, leaving a stain, a trail, as it dripped down. Was it pleasing? Of course. Blood that turned cold as it flowed down your bare legs, so satisfying.

"(Y/N)..." His soft voice brought you out of your trance.

"J-Jon! It-it's not-" He cut you off.

"Why?!" He wailed, tears falling faster than before.

You struggled to think of something to say, as he slowly approached you as you stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. With the utmost delicacy the brunet lifted your arms, his gaze never once leaving the fresh scabs after he found them.

He gulped, face going pale as he brushed away his own tears. Dropping your arms, rather ungracefully he stared into your eyes for a moment.

Giving his best, shaking smile he kissed away your tears carefully, before sweetly pecking your lips.

You hardly reacted as Jon wrapped his arms around you lightly in a caring hug. He treated you as though you were made of thin glass, perhaps you would have found this sweet, if you had it in you to care at the moment.

A good few minutes of silence passed between the two of you. You laid there in his arms, head resting on his shoulder as the tears dripped off your cheeks. Ever so subtly he swayed back and forth, creating a soothing rocking movement.

"Please (Y/N)," His voice was quiet as he whispered into your ear, "tell me why you'd do this to your beautiful self?"

The innocence in his voice almost hurt to hear.

"Because..." You trailed off.

Half expecting him to prompt you to finish speaking you were almost surprised when he didn't. You weren't surprised, however, because you supposed it didn't really matter.

"I don't want to hurt you" Your voice was bland, although not more than a whisper.

"This is hurting me! I can't stand to see you like this!" He cried out, pulling away from the hug so you were an arms length apart, his hands still on your shoulders.

"You were never meant to see..." Sadness welled up in your voice, a hard lump in your throat.

"Please, trust me (Y/N), there are others ways. I can help you." He pleaded.

You almost laughed, this wasn't something that could be helped. Depression isn't something that love could just wish away.

You decided to placate him though, make him happy, because that's all you really needed.

"Okay Jon, I trust you."

"Good! I promise to do my best to help you!"

His eyes shone with an innocence you didn't understand, just as yours were dulled with an emptiness he would hopefully never know.

"I love you Jon."

"I love you too (Y/N)."

All was still and quiet for a moment, just the two of you gazing lovingly into each others eyes.

"Can we cuddle?" He asked, you gave a small laugh and nodded.

He held you close as you laid on the bed, your breathing in sync, this was it. This was as good as it gets.

This was amazing, and happy, laying in his arms made you forget things for a moment.

This was love.

And love is simple.

A/N: Another one done! Yay me for being productive!! Sorry it was so sad, geez, I didn't intend for it to be this dark, it was supposed to get happier, but it didn't! The next one will be fluffy and cute I swear by it!

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