Insane Doesn't Even Begin to Cover It...

Insane Doesn't Even Begin To Cover It... Chapter 45

Chapter 45:

          It takes a while for me to even get up the courage to stand by the door leading to the outside. I can feel the cold radiating off of the glass, and it sends shivers down my spine. I do not want to do this, at all. Just the thought of taking one single step outside into the unknown makes me want to turn tail and run.

          However, if I were to try to do just that, I’d be stopped before I even got three feet away. Caden is standing just a little ways behind me, practically breathing down my neck. They’re ‘letting’ me do this on my own, those first few steps, and the decision to open the door and face the world.

          I hope they realize that it’ll probably take me forever to get the balls to do it.

          Every second that I stand there, my heart beats faster and faster. At times, it seems as if it’s going to stall out, but then it skips a beat and starts up again. I’m pretty sure that isn’t healthy, but I suppose it’s just my body’s way of telling me no fucking way.

          I hear the shuffling of feet behind me, and all of a sudden Caden’s arm appears out from next to me. Turning my head slightly, I glance at him. He’s close enough for me to be able to feel the heat coming off of his body. He catches my eyes and holds me in his gaze for a few moments before flicking his eyes back to where his hand is.

          On the door handle. Ready to open it and let me loose on the world. Or something along those lines…

          I take a deep breath and shake my head no, roughly. So roughly that I can feel a few bones pop, and my vision starts to swim and blur. No matter what I do, though, I know it won’t help.

          Caden crowds even closer to me, in turn making me squirm forward, almost pressed up against his hand, and the door in order to not touch his skin. Then, the handle is turned and the door is flung open, barely missing hitting me in the face.

          A cold sweep of air hits me and I freeze in place, blinking rapidly. It’s still winter, around January time. That alone would make me not want to go outside, because it’s so cold. I backpedal a few steps, only to come into contact with a lean, hard body behind me.

 My eyes open wide and I squeak, reversing my direction and going forwards. I try not to think about what just happened, instead focusing on the fact that I’m somehow now outside the door.

“Senna… More.” His voice comes from behind me and I don’t even attempt to write anything back to him, no snarky comment or pitiful excuse. Taking a deep breath, I stride forwards, shoving my fear to the back of my throat. It literally almost makes me gag, taking those steps.

I make it a few feet into the yard, buffeted by the wind. I turn around and look towards Caden and Becca. They’ve followed me out and are standing there staring at me with wide eyes. I’m not exactly sure what they were expecting… and I don’t really know what I was expecting either.

Turning back around in order to not see their faces, I look around myself. I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears, the blood rushing through my veins. My lungs are burning and I realize I haven’t taken a breath since I’ve been out of the door.

Opening my mouth and dragging in a lungful of air, I nearly collapse at the head rush I get. A heady mixture of smells, so different from the antiseptic and vanilla-like smell of the hospital, assaults my nose. It is definitely not like the weak attempts of the nicer doctors and janitorial staff to make things seem more home-like by spraying vanilla air freshener everywhere.